Red Ginger

Sauerkraut Here!

Yesterday I drove back to Utah; I always hate leaving home because life is so easy there. It’s nice to wake up to refrigerator full of food, have a grandpa to talk to, dogs to tease and a mom to visit. It’s nice to have everything you need within 5 miles, if that. And every time I leave Idaho I ask myself, “Why the fuck am I doing this?” Currently, it’s because I love my old people. Moving on…

Today was my first day back to work and I did not want to go. I take that back, I never mind being at work, it’s the waking up/getting out of bed part that blows. Anyways, work was fine, no good stories.

After work I met up with Chickpea who’s in town for the holiday and some other friends. We went to some restaurant called “The Red Ginger Bistro,” apparently they have good sushi. Since I don’t eat sushi I selected the sweet and sour chicken with ham fried rice. To no surprise I was less than impressed with my meal and didn’t eat much of it, it’s hard to find a good Asian food… Especially in Utah.

Afterward, we walked next door to a “Nitro Freeze.” Basically, they pour some milk in bowl, freeze it with liquid nitrogen and serve the result to you in a cup (or waffle cone) for $5 a pop. I decided to partake in the dessert festivities because I thought I was still hungry from dinner (wrong) and I figured I already beat cancer once, I can probably do it again. I selected the Irish Cream flavor (no surprise there) with a Snickers candy bar mixed into it… Like the Asian food, it tasted like shit. And like the Asian food, I didn’t finish it.

When it was time to leave the “ice cream” parlor I walked across the parking lot for approximately ten seconds before I was approached by a guy offering me free perfume samples. It was at that moment that I prayed for my dinner/dessert to come back up, it didn’t.

When I got into my car I drove to Chickpeas house to meet her puppies, they were bitches. Like people, I love her old dog the most. When my foot began to itch and my eye began to twitch I knew it was time to head home. The moment I left Chickpeas house my body told me it was time to get my ass home or I’d end up sharting (when you fart and shit comes out instead) myself in the car.

To no surprise there were a bunch of dumb fucks on the road accompanied by two cops and before I knew it I questioned whether or not my ass was leaking, it wasn’t, but I wouldn’t know for sure until I got home. Then I found myself in one of those, “Holy shit! Did my ass even hit the pot before my asshole exploded?” kind of moments.

Now, I’m lying in bed, preparing myself for yet another Asian meal tomorrow, I’m scheduled to meet up with my “sisters.” Remember them? Me either. Anyways, it’s a Sisterhood meeting. This should be interesting, but props to Chickpea for being a good person and setting it all up.

Finally, grandma did discover Gomer the fish and she was not happy about it, “She explicitly told me not to get a fish.” As usual I didn’t listen and laughed about it. Deep down I know grandma will enjoy watching that little fish and that’s all that matters to me. However the best part was when she asked me when I brought him in the house. I told her it was when she was sleeping. If you know anything about my grandmother it’s that she sleeps all day, every day. Anyways, she replied, “I don’t remember sleeping yesterday!”

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Operation Goldfish

Sauerkraut Here!

About three years ago a psycho fan gave a co-worker of mine four mini frogs and a fish.  Knowing he wouldn’t want these frogs/fish I feared that they would end up in the dumpster, so I offered to take them home with me.  When I was fired from that shity ass job I moved home to Idaho and brought the whole gang with me.  Actually just parts of the gang, two of the frogs got sucked up into the filter and drown to death.

I lived with my grandparents for about a year and a half until I went back to Utah for a job.  I left my frog (one more died, I think the other one ate him?) and fish behind for my grandmother to care for because it gave her something to do everyday and she loved watching that little frog.  She named him “Fred.”

Recently, my grandfather called to let me know that the fish had died.  He didn’t take the fish out of the tank; he just called to let me know it was dead.  Three days later I arrived in Idaho to find a fish floating in the top of the tank, nice grandpa. 

Now I’m home for the holidays and I’ve decided that grandma needs another fish to look after.  She told me not to get her a fish but I completely ignored her request.

Today mom and I went to the pet store and purchased a fat little goldfish named Gomer.  I brought him home, snuck him into my room, cleaned the tank, put his bag in the water, fed him and now he’s swimming around in his new home.

Gomer.

Grandma doesn’t know about Gomer and I imagine she won’t be happy when she comes into my room to feed the frog and discovers him, but I’m dying for the moment when she does.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Random Shit Just In Time For Christmas

Sauerkraut Here!

Wow, it’s been a really long time since my last post. I seriously need to start posting more but I’m so busy, I just go and go until I crash. I suppose I’ll try and catch you people up.

My birthday, sigh. I’m officially 30, very depressing. I don’t have a masters, I don’t own a home, I’m not married and I have no children (although, at this point I’m okay with the last two, but I may change my mind, you never know).

Despite I Heart to Farts suggestion, I threw myself a birthday party. I was very nervous that no one would show up and many didn’t, but a few people did. The ones who mean the most to me were there and the other ones that mean the most to me had a good excuse, distance. Regardless, it was nice.

Like all of my parties, there was a theme, hamburgers. Only I would have a hamburger themed party. The party took place at Red Robin (it was Fudruckers, but they shut down, surprise), there were hamburger balloons, a hamburger cake and I wore a hamburger hat and t-shirt.

My cake.

I was a little disappointed because dispite my reservation the tables were not set up as I asked and there was only one waiter assigned to us, so service was very slow. Lucky for me my mom and Aunt Karen with the big boobs was there, they regulated for me.

Mom and I.

To keep everyone entertained I made up a fun quiz all about me for people to do while they waited for food, etc. PDX and I Heart to Fart weren’t allowed to play and my mom and Aunt Karen’s quizzes didn’t count. So, the person who got the most correct was my “little brother,” Sheek Geek, Tar-J and Heather, my former co-worker. If I recall my boyfriend of five years got three correct, out of twelve, sigh.

He loves me, even if I am chubby.

Although I asked that no one bring gifts I received three really great gifts: one, my best buddy of forever-ness flew in from Portland to be with me, my other best buddy I Heart to Fart got me a Dyson vacuum cleaner (it’s like the best of the best when it comes to vaccuum’s, it’s amazing) and my mom said she would pay for me to go skydiving. That’s what I really wanted to do for my 30th birthday, but my plans kind of got messed up, so I will go this spring/summer with my brother. Moving on…

Another Sunday Funday. Recently my mom came to visit me so I Heart to Fart and I decided to take her sledding at Gorgoza Park near Park City.

I’ve always wanted to go there because you don’t have to walk up the hill, there’s a conveyer belt that pulls you up the lower part and a pully system that takes you up to the very top, it was really nice.

None of us, except I Heart to Fart, had any snow gear so we looked like idiots on the hill in our wacky outfits, for fuck sake I was wearing an Avis Rental Car coat, but we had fun.  I'm glad I have a mom willing to do fund stuff and brown boyfriend willing to play in the snow.

  

We all went down together except for one time and that was a really bad idea. To make a long story short, I Heart to Fart and I were “racing” and at the end my tube turned, I hit the rubber mats, flipped, drug my face along the mat and gave myself a black eye, neat-o.

What else? Oh we had a gingerbread auction at work. As most of you know, I hate Christmas, but I really enjoy making crap, so I decided to participate. Plus it was to raise money for charity and I wanted to take some of the load off my co-worker who made 17 houses! I’ve never made a gingerbread house in my life so I decided to start small, I did two houses. The first was “Molly’s Winter Wonderland,” Molly is the community dog and old folks home and the second was The Grinch. I decided that if I had to participate, I would only do the Grinch… Because Christmas blows. Here are some photos:

"Molly's Winter Wonderland"

The Grinch House

Even though I hate Christmas I decided to become the “Secret Elf of St. Nick” and distribute four gifts within the community, each day, starting December 1st. I recently finished distributing a total of 93 gifts. To this day, the residents haven’t figured out that I’m the secret elf. However, one of my favorite residents left this message on her door.

Precious.

This same resident received a Christmas card from a random boyscout and has asked me to send him this thank you letter, please pay special attention to the address...

That is all, thank you and good night.

Sauerkraut