A Super Fun Sunday Funday

Sauerkraut Here!

This week was a good Sunday Funday.

Saturday I went to dinner with some of I Heart to Farts friends from work.  We went to some steak house; I think it’s called Stockman’s?  Anyways, it’s supposed to be some fancy steak house and while I enjoyed the company I wasn’t impressed with the food, I’m more of Chuck-A-Rama kind of girl, which we’ll get to later.

My favorite part of dinner was this… I went to use the bathroom at this fancy restaurant and when I walked in there were two girls (younger than me) washing their hands etc.  Well, when I went into the stall, sat my ass down on the toilet and looked at the floor I discovered the largest blood glob I’ve ever seen in my life!!!  I’m 90% sure one of those girls had a fucking abortion in that stall.

Abortion.

 

Then!  When I went to wash my hands, there was a black bra resting in the paper towel basket placed above the sinks!  What the fuck happened in this fucking bathroom!?  Did anyone bother to call 911? 

 

After dinner we went to some bar, Bar Deluxe I believe.  I don’t have fun at bars because I don’t drink, smoke or like people.  But again, I was happy that I wasn’t alone and glad I had something to do.  After filling the roll of Designated Driver I went home and went straight to bed, because I’m old.

The next morning I dropped Molly of at work and headed to Blue Plate Diner for breakfast with Sheek Geek and Tar-J.  I’ve heard a lot about Blue Plate Diner and I was really excited to try it, but to be honest, I wasn’t impressed.  I had a ham and cheese omelet with “home fries” and sourdough toast… I liked the toast and hated the eggs…  They were spongy.

After breakfast I went home and prepared myself for my next journey, The Festival of Colors!

I’ve heard about the festival for years and have never had anyone to go with.  So, when I saw the poster for this year’s festival I took a photo and texted it to I Heart to Fart with a message reading, “We’re going.”

The Festival of Colors is a traditional Indian holiday.  50,000 “revellers” flood to the temple and grounds for 2 days of brightly colored powder, mantra, music and a bit of "holi" mayhem.

In Sauerkraut terms, The Festival of colors is a modern day Woodstock.  You pack yourself into a car a tiny car with people you barely know, ride to the middle of nowhere, hike to an Indian Temple in the middle of nowhere and walk into a designated area with no toilets, no food and no water.  The only thing you do have is mantra music, a bag stuffed with smaller bags of color and a welcoming committee of strangers chucking colored powder at your face.

Although I knew what I was in for I still found it weird that I was allowing people to throw stuff on me and the fact that it was green really annoyed me, I liked yellow better.  But, it didn’t take me long to adjust.

The 3PM throwing.

I wish I could tell you I bought a bunch of cool crap, ate some awesome food, etc.  But the truth is we just stood around a dust covered temple tossing colors on each other.  At 3:00PM we all gathered for the final throwing of the festival and that was pretty interesting.  Everyone threw their colors in the air at the same time and for a split second it was cool… Then the colors all combine creating this golden dust storm.  There was awhile there when I couldn’t see my hand in front of me.  

After driving home we all went to our houses to shower meeting up at Chuck-A-Rama for dinner.  I haven’t eaten at a Chuck-A-Rama in YEARS, but that night I did.  I ate so many scoops of sour cream potatoes (AKA Funeral Potatoes, Momo’s you know what I’m talking about) it’s ridiculous; I haven’t had them in years so I was in heaven.  The best part was the company.  I was with I Heart to Fart, his man and two friends, one of which is hilarious!  So much so, I want to steal him for myself.   

Yesterday I started a diet, I am miserable.  I also went to get a blood draw and was rejected.  In addition I went to a podiatrist and had him rip out my ingrown toenail… That I’ve had for over 2 months.  

Originally he wanted to cut two strips off each side of my nail, in the hopes that my nail would grow up, not out, but I just couldn’t let him do that.  I like my fat toes and this is the first ingrown toenail I’ve gotten where I had to go in a have it removed.  The doctor said I’m just one of those people with bad toenails… They naturally curve under.  He said that I will probably get more of these in my lifetime, maybe I’ll eat my words in a few months and be back for the creep-tastic surgery, but for now, I’m going to keep my toes fat.

In other news I just got home from Artic Circle… With an ice cream cone.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Is There A Pot O' Gold At The End Of My Rainbow?

Sauerkraut Here!

For years I have boosted that I’m Irish and while I’m confident that I am Irish, I’m not sure how Irish I am, who knows, maybe I’m black!

So, in honor of St. Patrick’s Day I decided to get a DNA test.

My current bosses daughter used to work for a company called 23 and me, or she worked for a company in association to that company, I don’t fucking know.  Anyways, my boss did this test a few years ago and discovered that she is of Norwegian decent; she was also able to see which city in Norway she descended from.  Even crazier, she discovered that she may have some distant relatives living in Italy because they share 43% of her DNA.  Besides the heritage mapping there’s some other cool stuff, for example, it tests for over 100 traits and diseases.

So when I arrived at work to discover my overpriced kit ($207) sitting on my desk I was beyond excited!  And I happily spent my afternoon hawking spit into a tube, mixing it with liquid, placing it in some a bag and stuffing it in the mailbox.  Now I have to wait 6-8 weeks to discover if I am in fact Irish.

My gut tells me that not only will I discover I’m something stupid like English but I will also discover I have another brother or sister.

I will let you know the results.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Sunday Funday

Sauerkraut Here!

A few things…

Perhaps by writing this I am jinxing myself but it’s possible that I may get to live out one of my dreams… Being a mascot.  Yes!  A few days ago, in the morning meeting, I volunteered myself to be the Easter Bunny at the Easter celebration at the old people home.  I even went and picked out my costume, but then they made me change it.  Rawr!  Now I need to get rid of this fucking ingrown toenail so I can start practicing my moves, including the bunny hop.

For our Sunday Funday I Hear t to Fart and I took a day trip to Logan, Utah so I could trespass on his old property and take photos of a tree that fell on his house late last year for his insurance company.  After my mission was accomplished we spent some time driving around our old stomping ground, lots of memories for us both in that little town.

Where I Heart to Fart and I met. Aww.

The window I was hanging out of when I Heart to Fart asked me to move in with him. How romantical.

I Heart to Farts old dorm room, I lived across the hall.  It was nothing like we remembered.

After meeting I Heart to Fart he became a bad influence on me.  We once crawled under this fence which runs along the Logan River (I'm surprised we didn't roll into it... 

Walked across this walkway, in flip flops.  By the way, it was not a walkway when we went across, it was a metal pipe...  Wet with moisture.  

And had we fallen we would have been dead.  Keep in mind this was taped in February when the water is low, we crossed it in spring, when the water is crazy.

Events at the old people home today:

When I get ready in the morning I sweat, a lot.  Well it took a little longer for my thyroid to balance out this morning, so I was still sweating when I went to my morning meeting, in a tiny, hot room with shit tons of people.  I’d say I got out of there just in time.   Speaking of passing out…

One of our CNA’s was talking on the phone when she told the other person that her heart was racing and then she passed out.  Someone caught her.

During Resident Council one of our residents started yelling about another resident (a very well liked resident), threating to kill him for leaving his walker too far into the pathway.  It was his birthday today…  Which reminds, he tore up his happy birthday sign.

My favorite resident is dying.

Finally, in other news, I spent $15 to clean my poor car yesterday (it hasn’t been cleaned since last summer) and now it’s snowing, fucking Utah. 

That is all.

Sauerkraut


P.S.  I wish my neighbor's would die.

Me... In a Nutshell.

Sauerkraut Here!

That is all.

Sauerkraut

My Date With Rita

Sauerkraut!

Normally my job is to do community outreach but occasionally, I’m asked to step in and drive residents to/from doctor appointments, today was one of those days.

After a long day of driving across the valley I was on the final leg of my trip, picking up Rita.  I love Rita!  She’s by far one of my favorite residents. 

Rita.

Rita is 88 years of age.  She spends most of her days walking, slowly, around the community with her walker, or her “scooter” as she calls it.  And yes, it has tennis balls.  In the basket on her walker she carries a giant calendar that she writes notes on and a bunch of other papers that she has writes the same notes on.  Each week Rita gets on a kick.  One week her mission was to find her missing eagle head that had important documents and personal photos hidden inside it (There was an eagle head.  She won it from a funeral home, but it was solid, so nothing could have been hidden inside) and another week she was tracking down the contact information for a Boy Scout who wrote her a Christmas Card. 

A note from Rita to "The Secret Elf."  I was actually the secret elf. 

When I picked Rita up the receptionist told me that Rita was very hungry.  Predicting the kitchen staff would deny her food and thinking it would be fun to take her to get a hamburger I asked if she would like to stop and get one.  She responded, “A hamburger!  That sounds interesting.”  Later she decided that it sounded pretty good because she hadn’t had a hamburger in a really long time.  How sad is that!?

After placing our order we headed back to the old people home.  Rita seemed to enjoy her French fries and when I asked her how they were she said, “Good.  I’m just eating potatoes!”  

When we got back to the old people home I helped Rita carry her stuff upstairs to her room, “3…3…3.”  I planned to leave Rita to eat her food by herself, but she had other plans. Upon her request I went to the car, got my food and returned to her room to eat with her, a true date.

When I walked in her room she had placed two chairs up to her kitchenette and a clementine (that her sister “Kitty” had sent her from Maryland… A couple months ago… Like Christmas.) in front of each chair.  Together we ate our burgers while she searched for ketchup for her fries and dessert for when we finished our meals.  She tried to feed me cookies, Crunch Bars and fudge… That her sister Kitty sent her from Maryland.

It wasn’t long before I finished my burger but Rita was still working on hers.  She then instructed me to eat my “orange” and without a word I picked it up and started peeling.  It wasn’t long before I realized that Rita had served up a molding clementine.

When she wasn’t paying attention I covered the orange in a napkin and later when she wasn’t looking I stuffed it in my pocket.  Moments later she told me to take her clementine for later… I stuffed that one in my pocket as well.

When Rita and I’s date was over I helped her pick up the kitchenette and escorted her down to a musical performance.  When I thought she was distracted I tried to get away but got caught up by some coworkers.  Moments later, during the pianists’ performance I heard Rita yell, for all to hear, “Hey!  Pull up a chair lets listen to this guy for a couple of minutes!”  I asked Rita if I could use the restroom and left, with clementine’s in my pocket, for her to enjoy the music on her own.

Oh Rita.

That is all.

Sauerkraut