Sauerkraut Here!
It’s been awhile since I last blogged but it’s not because I
don’t want to or because I’m going through a great depression, but instead it’s
because it just takes so much time. So,
I will sit here, butt naked with an ad for IKEA under my tits (they’re
sweating) and catch you up, if you care.
So, here’s what I’ve been up to… Work.
Lately, I’ve been having a very difficult time at work. This entire year we have had a low census and
it is my job to fill the building. My
boss and I have been getting just as many move-in’s as we did last year, but unfortunately,
right after Christmas several people passed away. In addition, I feel as if we’ve been handing
out 30-day notices to residents I don’t feel deserve them.
What bothers me the most is that the staff doesn’t understand
that I can’t do my job unless they do theirs, it’s a circle. Example, I can’t sell a building if I bring a
tour into the dining room and find a server wearing a cardboard box like a
robot with alternative music blaring from the speakers. And if I can’t get people to move-in, staff
gets let go, hours are cut, staff gets pissed that they’re overworked and underpaid,
they do an even worse job and families eventually decide to move their loved
one’s elsewhere, it’s a circle!
I also think the lack of a thyroid and the hot weather has
really been getting to me. Moving on…
I recently had my annual review and I’m very disappointed in
my evaluation, I can’t get passed it! In
fact, I’m still upset over my 90 day review when I was told I couldn’t wear
open toed shoes! I take great pride in
my work and I hate being told I’m doing something wrong, I feel like a failure
and that’s something I can’t handle. So,
I received A’s in everything except: competence, cleanliness, dependability,
and respectfulness. I got B’s in those four
categories.
Competence – “Sauerkraut, the past year you have grown on
many different levels. You have a much
better understanding of the ‘health care community;’ you understand the
criteria for residents for assisted living communities. Your knowledge in social media networking is
incredibly strong. You continue to meet
the requirements and timelines for all functions of your job.”
So… Why am I being told I’m not competent? My E.D. did mention that she gave me a “B”
simple because “I’m new to the industry and I still have so much to learn,”
which I agree with, but! Competence is
the ability of an individual to do a job properly, so… Last time I checked, I’m
able, I just need more training!
Cleanliness- “The marketing office is a very busy, high
traffic area. It is of utmost importance
to keep the office clean (I keep my shit clean… Stop putting shit in our office
and maybe we could keep it that way), presentable (Again, stop putting shit in
our office!) and organized (you’re telling ME to be organized? Me?) at all times. The common areas and storage rooms are a main
focus (no one told me about the storage areas, how the hell am I supposed to
know?) for your position. I encourage
you to be more detailed in the “details” (Again, you’re telling ME to be detail
oriented?) of the building. Always fix
as you go, and involve the right team members to support you (interesting, I’m
pretty fucking sure I email housekeeping every Saturday because there is no
soap or toilet seat protectors in the bathrooms. But! When
I mention this, I’m told by you, my E.D., that my ‘standards of other staff
members are too high…’ I’m asking them to do their fucking job! And when I do it myself, I’m ‘not letting
others do their job…’ Because I know it
won’t get done!).”
Dependability- “Because of health issues out of your
control, a “B” is what must be given for attendance.”
Seriously? I worked 40
extra hours to make up for each of my surgeries, recorded that time and
reported it to you within a week of taking that approved, time off. Also, I’m curious… Are the girls leaving early and going to doctor
appointments every day for their pregnancies (that could have been “controlled”)
getting B’s? What about the girl who had
gastric bypass surgery (controllable)?
She has already taken more time off than me for vacation (P.S. She started after me, so she doesn’t have as
much to use)? Is she getting a B? Nope.
I’ve called in sick once!
And my E.D. had a fucking come apart!
I had to fill out forms and use a vacation day. I wish you knew how many of my co-workers call
in sick on a daily basis.
This reminds me, I am the ONLY person in the entire building
that has to wear closed toed shoes. I’m
not trying to brag, but after dating a black man for several years, you’d
better believe my toes are always looking good.
But no, all these other bitches are running around with chipped polish and
calluses’. Fuck you!
Finally, and this one REALLY gets me going! Respectfulness.
As most of you know, I work with two bitches I call “The Orca’s…” They are huge (like a whale) white and always
wear black clothing (it’s not slimming them).
I hate these two bitches. My predecessor
HATED these two bitches and my boss is not their number one fan either. I didn’t get a good vibe from them when I first
met them, but I wanted to give them a chance, take it all in and form my own
opinion of them… I can’t fucking wait to get fired so I can roll them into the
creek and drown their asses!
I knew they had it out for me since day one because they
didn’t like my predecessor, I guess they assume were the same person. And they don’t like my boss because she
brings it to the E.D.’s attention that they don’t do their job. So, because we work together I guess that
means they don’t like me. Whatever, they
can talk shit about me, make fun on my clothes, I don’t give a shit! But! One
day Orca Bitch #1 went to my E.D. and said I “called someone on the phone a
bitch,” not true. There is nothing that enrages
me more than someone tarnishing my professional reputation, to my superiors
with lies! Do not fuck with my work
because I take great pride in my work.
So, ever since I got
called into the office for supposedly calling someone a bitch I haven’t looked
at, spoken too or paid any mind to either of these bitches (minus professional,
necessary conversation) and I know that really bothers them so they continue to
attempt to get me into trouble because they want to get to me. Well unfortunately for me, my E.D. loves
these two… Although, I don’t think she would if she knew what they have and do
say about her and her family. Anyways, I
am recording every single bullshit thing they do to me to use against them at
some point in time because I know it will come to that. In the meantime, I received the following evaluation…
“Sauerkraut, you have a very outgoing personality which
gives you a natural sedge way into building relationships. You have gained the respect of ‘most’ (meaning
The Orca Bitches) of your peers. This
type of work is emotional, stressful and overwhelming for many of the people we
work with (so you’re excusing The Orca’s for their behavior and chewing my
pussy walls off? Nice.) and many
families that are in a crisis situation.
Keep your upbeat energy, and focus on the sarcasm that can be perceived (keyword
‘perceived’) as ‘disrespect’ (you treat me with respect, I will do the same. You cross me once, you’re fucking dead!) Make sure you keep your life (what life? And I don’t speak to anyone about my personal
life at work; I learned that a long time ago!) and work balanced so you can
continue to give your best every day!”
Really? Hey guess
what… Fuck you!
The good news is, I did receive a raise… Three fucking percent. I guess that’s an extra roll of toilet paper
to wipe my fucking ass with! Speaking of
toilet paper…
Today I was walking down the hallway when I heard a woman
crying out for help. When I entered her
room I saw her walker and instantly worried that she had fallen, which can be
fatal to an elderly person. Instead when
I rounded the corner of her room I discovered one of my favorite residents with
poopy drawers around her ankles. And not
just a little poop, a lot of poop! Diarrhea
poop!
My first thought was, “Fuck my life.” But mind was telling me, “Oh shit (no pun intended)
I’ve gotta help the poor thing!” I
immediately pushed he pendant and pulled her call button, but I wasn’t about to
leave her there, she needed help!
A lot of people wonder how I can do my job but for me it’s
simple…
1)
I have a building full of 116 grandmas’ and grandpas
and I would want someone to help my grandparents, so that’s what I’m going to
do. If my grandma shit herself and
someone didn’t assist her immediately, I would fucking hunt them down and rub
that pile of shit on their face.
2)
It’s similar to those stories you hear about
where a horrible car accident takes place and a person lifts a car off of
someone. The “hero” never knows where
they find the strength or courage to rescue the victim; instead they just know it
needs to be done.
3)
Getting old is an interesting part of life. No one wants to get old, but for most of us, it
will happen. No one wants to shit
themselves and have to cry out for help, but when you’re old, it happens more
than you realize. Getting old is
probably the most frustrating and degrading thing that a person will ever
experience. You really need to take a
step back and realize that this isn’t about shit, but instead about a human,
who is upset that physically couldn’t make it to the restroom and embarrassed that
they have to ask a person generations younger than them to come help them.
So, I spent the next thirty minutes: escorting her to the toilet,
taking off her shoes, poopy socks, pants, underwear, and depends, rinsing them in
the sink, per her request, calling housekeeping to collect her garbage/dirty
laundry and just trying to calm her down.
The best part of the experience was when I asked her if she
wanted me to close the door so she could have some privacy while I waited with
her for the CNA? She replied, “No. But now you can’t say you haven’t seen an old
fart on the pot before.” I love her!
Eventually a CNA arrived and helped her while I fetched her
an egg salad sandwich and a coke, her favorite.
On Saturday I had to break up a screaming match between a
man and a woman who were fighting for a spot at the mailboxes. Redirect one little lady so she wouldn’t talk
to another little lady because apparently she keeps coming into her room in the
middle of the night to tell her she wants her room and it’s starting to scare
the one little lady. P.S. This woman
also wanders down the hallway naked because she has memory loss and what she
does remember is having to walk outside of her room at the place where she used
to live to use the showers… Now she walks
into other residents apartments. And finally…
I had a man set a plate of food outside my E.D.’s office. Conveniently the community dog ate the
bratwurst leaving behind a bun and some salad that she spread all over the
lobby floor, nice. When I confronted the
resident about this he informed me that he was trying to prove a point to the
E.D. and he wanted that plate of remaining food put in her office, so I put it
in there and later had it removed. Then,
right before I left for the day I discovered that he had placed a fork, knife
and plant leaf in front of her door.
Again, per his request, I put it in her office. The point he was trying to prove was this…
I may have cut my pants off with a hunting knife because I
was unable to get them off, but despite your attempt to take away my knife privileges,
I can still cut my pants off using a knife from the dining room because they are
sharp enough to cut a bratwurst and leaf, so, give me my knifes back.
This is my job. This
is also the part I adore about my job.
I’m off to Boise this weekend for a “party with all Iron Man
stuff.”
That is all.
Sauerkraut
