Pumpkins, Poo And Photos

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I really don’t have anything cool to talk about today.

My brother woke me up with a phone call and I could hear my nephew in the background asking my brother if he could take a bath. My brother kept telling him he had to wait until after breakfast and he was clearly not having that, that’s my guy.

Then I helped my mom rearrange her living room. We walked around Lowe’s for a few hours and I purchased my new project…

Last fall I entered a few photos into the state fair and I actually won! I won 1st place in the abstract category and 3rd place in the domestic animal category. Well this year I have a new goal… I want to grow the biggest pumpkin!

Today I purchased the seeds, I plan to grow them in early May and enter the biggest one into the state fair. I can’t wait to watch my pumpkins grow and photograph their process. Perhaps what I look forward to the most is transporting the son of a bitch to the fair. Wish me luck!

Also, as promised here are a few photos. First we have the poo I found outside my grandparent’s house, I posted about this yesterday, and the rest are more photos from Vegas.

Gyro and DW (P.S. I think Gyro looks amazing in this photo, but I’m sure she’d disagree)

Us girls and our random friend, Marcos?  I'm the transparent one on the right...  "Ebony, ivory, live together in perfect harmony." 

Our new friend and I. And yes, I’m deep throating the quesadilla.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner!

Sauerkraut Here!

Some of you may wonder what the hell I do all day to keep myself busy. Well, here’s a typical day in my world… Today I woke up, did the dishes/cleaned the kitchen, went grocery shopping for my dinner ingredients, made cookies (so my grandfather would stop hinting), did the dishes/cleaned the kitchen, did a few loads of my grandparents laundry, helped my grandmother clean out the hallway closet, visited my mother at work, vacuumed the hallway/bedrooms, made dinner, did the dishes/cleaned the kitchen, and walked my dog.  I'm so domestical!

Yes, that's me on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine.

Okay I lied.  This is me...

Anyways, I try to do something everyday that will make each of my family members happy. For example:

Grandpa – My grandfather loves cookies! And when his cookie tin is full, he’s happy. Also, my grandfather cooks dinner every night, except when I do it, which doesn’t happen as much as it should. As you can imagine he gets pretty sick of deciding what to make and cooking every night, so when I cook, he gets a break, which I’m sure he appreciates.

Grandma – My grandmother usually gets stuck doing the dishes because my grandfather doesn’t care and I hate doing dishes, period. Sometimes I leave them for her to do just to make sure she does something for the day. However, today I did them for her, three times! Also, she’s happy when the floors are vacuumed and she gets to try new foods for dinner.

Mom – My mom is happy just knowing that I’m over here helping out my grandparents, but she was really excited when I visited her at work. Plus, I saved her some dinner and cookies.

Ty – He is very happy when he is not alone, gets a walk and gets his chocolate chip cookies after his walk. Happy dog.

As mentioned above I made dinner for my grandparents and we had “Fizzy Chicken with Rice and Lemon Vinaigrette.” My grandparents really enjoyed it so I will probably make it again someday. If you’d like to try the recipe, I’ve posted it below. If you do try it, let me know what you think.

In other news, one of the kids in the neighborhood gathered up a pile of frozen dog shit and placed it on the corner of my grandparents landscaping. Clearly it didn’t come from the same dog, because it’s several different colors and it’s in a place that no normal dog would ever shit. I will post a picture tomorrow. Until then, I’m hoping that kid washed their hands. Reason 1,496 not to have kids.

A conversation between my grandparents:

Grandma: “I’m ready.” Meaning she was “ready” for my grandfather to help her change the sheets on their bed.

Grandpa: “Right now. With the kids here!?”

Sauerkraut: “Gross!”

Grandpa: “I haven’t taking my Cialis!” If you don’t know Cialis is basically a generic Viagra. Also, at this point in the conversation my grandmother is rolling her eyes. My grandpa continues…

Grandpa: “Just like the commercial says, if you take it, you’ll be ready when your wife is!”

Me: “Okay. Holy God, I’m going to pass out. That’s it, I’m passing out.”

Grandma walks away.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Fizzy Chicken with Rice and Lemon Vinaigrette

(Makes 2 servings)

For the Vinaigrette

2 Tbsp. lemon

1 Tbsp. chopped fresh chives

1 Tbsp. honey

1 tsp. Dijon mustard

2 Tbsp. vegetable oil

For the Chicken and Rice

2 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves (about 5 oz. each)

Salt and pepper

1/3 cup dry converted white rice

2 Tbsp. all-purpose flour

1 Tbsp. vegetable oil

¼ cup club soda

1 ½ tsp. unsalted butter

¼ tsp. red pepper flakes

2 tbsp. grated Parmesan cheese

1 ½ tsp. unsalted butter

Combine lemon juice, chives, honey, and Dijon in a bowl. Drizzle in 2 Tbsp. oil, whisking constantly until mixture is thoroughly combined.

Trim chicken breasts of fat, then season with salt and pepper. Meanwhile, cook rice according to package directions.

Dredge chicken in flour; sauté in 1 Tbsp. oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat until golden, about 2 minutes. Flip chicken; sauté 1 minute more.

Deglaze pan with club soda, reduce heat to medium, and add 1 ½ tsp. butter and pepper flakes. Cover and simmer until liquid is syrupy, about 5 minutes; turning chicken to coat. Keep chicken warm over low heat.

Combine cooked rice with Parmesan, cream, and another 1 ½ tsp. butter. Serve chicken breasts with lemon vinaigrette and Parmesan rice.

* This recipe goes really well with roasted peppers and onions. I didn’t eat these, but my grandparents did and they really liked how it “complimented the rice.”

Vegas... Kind Of

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Prepare yourself for the longest blog ever…

On Friday I left for Salt Lake City, Utah. When I arrived three kids hyped up on Valentines Day candy and stuffing their faces with more greeted me. A responsible adult, I fed them pizza, took them to the park (to run off some energy) and decorated cookies with them. Each of them got to take home a plate of cookies, but lets be honest, there were no cookies to take home. Moving on…

On Saturday I went shopping for beds with my man because he’s moving into a new place and he needs a bed. I’m really hoping he purchases something reasonable, but I doubt it. I’m pretty sure I’ll be sleeping on police evidence in a murder case.

When we arrived back at his place I noticed the shower curtain was missing, reasonably I panicked. Not only was I preparing for a long car ride to Las Vegas, Nevada, but also I was afraid his roommate got pissed at me for taking too long in the shower (something I’m notorious for) and tore it down.

Nervous for my trip I awoke at 3:50AM and for the life of me could not fall back asleep. Eventually, I started getting ready for my day and to my surprise there was a shower curtain. Good thing, because I had already made the decision that I was going to shower regardless of the mess I made.

Gyro and I left for Las Vegas at 8:00AM and the car ride was pretty cool because I actually got some one-on-one time with her. She had some pretty good stories about barfing in her bikram yoga class, discovering blood on her bikini bottoms while getting measured by some dude in front of an entire gym and her sisters auditioning her mother for the game show “Family Feud.”

Along the journey we stopped in St. George to eat. At first I thought I wanted Arby’s but decided Subway sounded better, even if I did eat it the day before, what? I ordered my usual: foot long turkey on wheat, with mayo, a little bit of lettuce, salt pepper and vinegar. Clearly the suck fuck behind the counter didn’t understand me, despite repeating my order two more times because the fuck-tard messed it up. How? He put oregano on the bitch! I’m still pissed!

When we got to Vegas we spent the next chunk of time waiting in line to check into our hotel room at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino. Frustrated by the wait and the idiots from California, wearing mini dressed for the tourists, I spent my time staring at the giant glittery lights. In my mind I could see PDX and I dancing amongst them and eventually ending up doing a photo shoot with them.

I also noticed that the elevator doors would torture me the remainder of the trip by slamming into me whenever I tried to enter/exit.

As we made our way to our room I stole an OK Magazine, which I discovered was available to all guests, free of charge in their room.

Shout out! Planet Hollywood has the most comfortable bed I’ve ever experienced at a hotel… Better than the one in Boise.

By this point we had been ditched my Gyro's friend Cindy, Tony and his wife. To distract ourselves from our lack of friends we started planning out our outfits for the evening and it wasn’t long until I realized a few things:

1) I’m obese.

2) I have NO sexy clothing.

3) I have no sexy clothing… Because I am obese

Lucky for me, Gyro had an entire Forever 21 store stuffed in her bag and I found something to wear. I love Forever 21, but cannot shop there anymore because I sent back a shirt, held together with tape and told them to “keep their shity ass shirt.” Long story.  Moving on…

Realizing my shoes were less than sexy, we went down stairs and walked the Miracle Mile Mall (which was attached to our hotel! How rad is that?) in search of some new shoes. No thanks to Gyro, I paid a shit load of money for a new pair of shoes that I absolutely adore…

If you can't tell they're pure sparkle!

Shortly after we got back to the room there was a knock at our door, it’s Tony’s “friend,” Donny (yes, I was humming New Kids on the Block). Let’s just say Tony’s “friends” usually come with a rap sheet, an eight ball, a tape recorder and a bic pen ready to give you a tattoo. So, yeah I was a little worried this guy was a train conductor and was there to run a train on our asses. Anyways, he walked into the room and he seemed like a pretty nice guy but in a matter of seconds he busted open his backpack and started pulling out the booze. Don’t waste any time buddy. As Donny and Gyro start drinking we began discussing where we were going to eat, “promptly at nine.”

While discussing dinner we discover Donny is a vegetarian. A natural conversationalist Gyro asked him what made him become a vegetarian? And now I will share with you the best story of the trip…

One night our new friend Donny got really high and found himself at a golf course in the middle of the night. He made his way over to a pond full of ducks and as he approached it, the ducks swam away. Donny decided this was a great time to meditate. While meditating he asks the ducks “should I eat meat? Should I kill animals?” Magically the ducks responded with a plethora of quacks. Donny determines that the quacks mean he should not eat meat and he asks the ducks to come to him and which point they surround him.

It’s been five days and I’m still speechless.

At this point I determine that he shall no longer be referred to as Donny, but rather “The Duck Whisperer.”

Before I could share my wonderful nickname, DW asks me if he can smoke some weed in the bathroom, claiming the fan will suck up the scent. If you know me… at all, you know I don’t tolerate smoke, of any kind. It stinks, it makes me sick and I don’t want myself or my stuff to reek of it. Faced with the decision of sounding like a goody two-shoes or letting someone do something I really disapprove of, in my space! I tell him I would prefer it if he didn’t. Lucky for me he seemed to take it pretty well.

Promising to return in “10 minutes” I found myself abandon in the hotel room, drained of energy and the feeling that my turkey cilantro sandwich had dissolved and my stomach was now eating itself. Forty-three minutes later!!! I’m joined once again.

Realizing we had now been ditched by five seven other people in our group we decided to go to dinner without them, it is now 11PM, so much for the “promptly at 9PM” bull shit.

Word to the wise… Never, ever keep a fat bitch hungry. Ever!

On our way DW asks me “what kind of food I like?” And I reply, “I don’t like vegetables or seafood.” He tells me he knows “the perfect place” and we head to Mr. Lucky’s 24/7 at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino for the “777,” which I later find out is a steak and SEAFOOD platter! What the fuck!?

When we arrive at Mr. Lucky’s 24/7 DW puts our name on the list and while we’re waiting Gyro has DW invite some random dude, dining alone, to join us. Does anyone remember Blue Hawk? Turns out this guy, Marcos (?), is just my type… If I didn’t already have a boyfriend. He’s black, 6’11”, 28, goes to UNLV, doesn’t drink, smoke, or do any drugs… Nor has he ever. No kids, nothing. I’ll admit I was a little infatuated.

Anyways, after a late dinner we walked over to the club and tried getting in. However, DW, who supposedly “has the hook up,” can’t get us in. But! Our new friend, Marcos, gets us in the club… And we never see him again.

While dancing on the dance floor I can’t focus because I keep hearing the DJ referring to the reality TV show, “The Jersey Shore,” one of my guilty pleasures. Thinking someone from the cast had to be there I keep looking around. Meanwhile Gyro is fist pumping her little heart out completely oblivious to what’s going on.

Eventually my fabulous new shoes were hurting my feet so badly that Gyro and I go to the bathroom and switch shoes. I’ll admit, her shoes felt better for a hot minute, but after awhile I just couldn’t take it anymore and I had to go sit down. Later on the three of us meet back up and Gyro, the idiot, realizes that the DJ is not just referring to “The Jersey Shore,” but that Mike “The Situation” is actually there!

About fifteen minutes after the music changed from whack ass crap to good shit Gyro decides she’s tired and we had to leave, boo. After I hiked for what seemed like miles in my shoes we made it to the car and I tried to back into a car full of Polynesians driving a beautiful Cadillac Escalade, awesome.

Back at the hotel I don’t remember much. I remember taking a sleeping pill, telling DW to leave the room to smoke weed… again and him coming back to the room… That’s about it.

After a less than satisfying four hours of sleep I awoke and noticed that Gyro was wearing sweats, let’s just say she didn’t go to sleep in sweats… That’s all I’m saying. Moving on…

On our own again because our breakfast date bailed! We made our way to the breakfast buffet, that in no way compared to the one at Buffalo Bills in Primm, Nevada, and I basically paid $15 for two doughnuts. Nice.

When we got back to the room we realized that we had to check out of our room in less than an hour and in no way were going to make the deadline. After rushing around we finished getting ready/packing when we realized that we had nowhere to go for the next two and a half hours. The original plan was to stay there until we got kicked out, but eventually we rolled our luggage through the entire Miracle Mile Mall, because that’s not embarrassing, and went looking for a Starbucks. Lucky for us it took us about that long to find one!

Shit! I just realized I can’t talk about the main reason I went to Vegas! Thinking, thinking… Okay, yeah. I just can’t do it. I have to move on… For now.

Finally, right before Gyro and I had to head back to Utah we got the chance to hang out with our friend Honey Bee, her man and some of their friends.

On the ride home we tried El Polo Loco for the first time and I must admit, it was pretty good. At some point in the journey Gyro had me drive, which is always a bad decision, but I did really well. And after some discussion about ghosts, my favorite, her head started bobbing and moving all over the place, which really freaked me out… So I shut up and let her pass out. At one point she asked me if I knew where we were and I told her “Draper,” which she replied, “yup.” Okay, thanks for the confirmation.

On my way to Magna I missed my exit but was only delayed by a mere five minutes, this is why I don’t drive at night. That and I see men in trench coats and mice walking out in front of me. Anyways, I got to my boyfriend’s house, yelled at him, for some dumb reason, I’m sure, and passed out.

After a mere ten hours of sleep (not even close to enough) my alarm went off and once again I found myself rushing around to make it to my first Sisterhood meeting in almost a year! It was my turn to plan and I choose to eat at Olive Garden because I love their Chicken Alfredo, even though it causes me to blow up the toilet after I eat it. I’ll admit I was a little nervous going there because I hadn’t been there since I passed out in their bathroom. However, this was a successful trip considering we were being rushed out the door and watched by management. I gave the girls their homemade Valentines and Marvelous Mama won the prize pack.

I spent a few moments with my man and decided I’d better head back before I found myself driving in the dark.

Now I’m back at home and after a good twelve hours of sleep, I’m back to my normal routine.  Overall it was a "fun disaster…" Speak of the Devil! I just got a text from Gyro asking me to go to Vegas in less than a month, ha! Awesome. I will post more photos when I get them from Gyro (hint, hint) and let’s just say this post is to be continued…

That is all.

Sauerkraut

P.S. My grandmother just told Falkor to leave the room because it’s bark was giving me “nervous prostitutions.” Okay.

P.P.S. I call my grandmother's dog "Falkor" because it reminds me of the lucky dragon from the movie "The Neverending Story." I have posted a photo so you can see for yourself.

Crap and Stuff

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Lately I’ve been a really crappy blogger person, but because I’m sick as shit today (you don't want to know the details, trust) I decided to take this time to blog, joy! Here’s what I’ve been up too…

- I now have a music player on my blog!  Thanks for your help Shanna!  Warning, if you don't like swearing or there are kids in the room, I would turn the volume down... Way down. 

- I went to my belly dancing class the other night and when I left I told my mother that I couldn’t believe some of those women were able to make kids! She replied, “you don’t have to move, you just have lay there.” Valid point, thanks mom.

- My grandmother decided she wanted to make cookies one night, but she forgot to double the oatmeal and add the baking soda. Here’s the result…

No one ate them and my grandfather ended up throwing them away, I felt bad for her.  Then, the other day I found some pre-made cookie dough and I got it for her. Now she can just thaw it and place it on the pan. Sweet success.

- One day I was walking in the park near my house when a young, black lab mix joined my dog and I. After he followed us around for far too long I checked him for a collar, nothing. Then I found myself faced with a decision…

1) Do I walk away from the dog and hope that he doesn’t get killed and finds his way to a loving home?

2) Do I call the pound?

I’ve never called the pound before because I’m convinced they only want to kill the animals. Anyways, after awhile I decided the best decision was to call the pound in the hopes that they would fill his starving belly (I know he was starving because he was crunching on a dead, frozen bird he found in someone’s yard and I could she his ribs.), give him some fresh water, a warm place to stay (away from danger), and that someone was either looking for him or looking for a dog to take home. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about him. However, I’m too afraid to call because I don’t want them to tell me that they killed him.

- One day my grandmother was scooting around the house in her underwear. Yup, just a dress shirt and her underwear. I’m lost for words.

- I found a blueberry in the toilet. That’s all I’m saying.

- Ding dong, the witch is done!  Finally!  And now my mother has me doing another one... Fuck! 

- Everyone knows I put paper towels under my boobs when I think they are going to drip.  I guess the other day I used one of my socks.  I don't remember doing this, but when I couldn't figure out why my bra felt so tight, I found my answer.

- The other day I was curling my hair when I heard a loud pop and saw sparks and smoke out of the corner of my eye. Thinking it was my curling iron, but still unsure, I kept going. Then it happened again. Considering it was inches from my face both times I was convinced it was my curling iron and I decided to move the cord around. Again a loud pop, some sparks and some smoke. I decided to stop before I burnt down the house and straighten my hair instead. Later when I told my grandmother that I almost burnt down the house she replied, "why?" Not "how," but "why." Thanks grandma.

- A few nights ago I went over to my mother’s house to visit with her. When I was there I was craving something sweet so I went looking for something. In the pantry I discovered lemon flavored Nilla Wafers! I was so excited when I found them that I gasped with joy. I love these things, but I never buy them, I don’t get it either. Anyways, I ran into the living room to show her the delicious delight I found in her pantry and she just sat there with a weird look on her face, nothing unusual. I soon discovered why she was looking at me weird; when I opened the box I discovered crackers. Yup, crackers. My mother had eaten all but four cookies (actually 3 and a half because one was broken) and placed a package of half eaten Ritz crackers in the cookie box. My mother was dying of laughter and I found nothing funny about the situation. Nothing.

- I was at the post office yesterday when I noticed that the woman in front of me, with the annoying child desperate for attention, was proudly displaying her festively decorated Valentines Day packages that she planned to send to her missionaries. I also noticed she was sending a package to Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar. I shit you not. I tried to get a photo, but it was really obvious.

- My dog is super old so he has a hard time getting into the back of my grandparents car. He gives it his best shot, but he usually only makes it half way. Yesterday when I was helping him into the car I grabbed his junk. Totally weirded out, I apologized and washed my hands immediately. Awkward.

- Yesterday I took my grandmother on a hunt for chewing gum. We drove to a few different stores until I found the kind she liked and bought her “as much as I could.” I bought 14 packs.

- I’m going to Las Vegas this weekend… For a day. We’ll discuss this later.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Saints Win Superbowl XLIV!

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It's official! The New Orleans Saints won Superbowl XLIV (31 – 17). Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints...  And my boyfriend Reggie Bush.  Meow.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

P.S. I still adore you Hank.

Today's Project - Receiving Blankets

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Today’s project was receiving blankets!  I made two, one had ladybugs and green polka dots and the other had bugs and rainbows. Joy!

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Mission Sweatpants and Tacos

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Mission complete. My grandfather normally goes to bed around 8:30PM, but for some reason he was up later than normal. Around 11PM, just when I had given up on Mission Sweatpants, my bedroom door opened and a dark figure walked toward me.

I’ll be honest, I was so out of it that I was afraid to look and found myself repeating, “please be grandma, please be grandma” in my head. Truthfully I was in no mood for a ghostly encounter or to defend the house against an intruder.

Anyways, my grandmother waited for my grandfather to fall asleep and then she stole his sweatpants and brought them to me. She quietly placed them on the bed and whispered, “okay, here you go.” It was then that I knew Mission Sweatpants was back on.

Together we waded through the dark house, making our way toward the kitchen. Grandma stopped off for a late night snack and continued on toward the basement. Along the way I discovered two of my grandfather’s sweatshirts that were also in need of a good washing, I grabbed them and slowly made my way downstairs.

I carefully emptied the pockets, paying close attention to which items belonged in which pocket and placed them in the washer along with the two sweatshirts. An hour and a half later, after both of my grandparents had gone to sleep, I filled the pockets, draped the sweatshirts over the stair railing, where I found them, and wandered down the dark hallway, placing the sweatpants in the very spot they were taken from.

When I woke up this morning I saw my grandmother sitting at the kitchen table, I sat down next to her and she asked, “did you get it done?” I nodded. She continued to tell me that he was wearing the sweatpants and said nothing about them being washed or out of place. Together we snickered at our ridiculous efforts to wash my grandfathers favorite sweatpants.

When I spoke to my mother this morning she asked me how the mission went and I told her the story, she laughed. Yes, I feel bad that I’m kidnapping my grandfather’s sweatpants in the middle of the night, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and those suckers needed to be washed! However, I don’t think my grandfather knows because he hasn’t said anything, but he has been giving me some weird looks today.

Finally, as you all know I’m broke as shit these days and I really don’t have any money to spend, but I’ve been saving up for this dandy little thing… My new love, the taco cosmetics bag!

Finally, Ty's "Gotcha Day" was February 2nd.  I didn't forget, I just didn't blog about it.  If you don't know a "Gotcha Day" is simply the day you got something, in this case the day I got my dog.  I've had him for 13 years.  Oh joy!

That is all.

Sauerkraut

P.S.  Today when Ty and I were walking in the park he peed on a giant snowball the kids at the nearby school had made, I was a proud dog mom.

Meet Zarzak

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To keep myself busy, aside from assisting my grandparents, I like to make crap.  Not poo, but crafts and stuff.   I've made some pillowcases, some receiving blankets, some purses... 

And I'm working on a Halloween wall hanging...

A wall hanging that I can't wait to finish because it's very time consuming and it's not my project.  My mother is "making it" for my Aunt Karen with the Big Boobs (Yes, that's what I really call her.  In fact, when I send her stuff I write "Aunt Karen with the Big Boobs" on the envelope and put dots in the center of the o's so they look like nipples.).  Anyways, mom likes to make stuff too, the problem is, she never finishes it, that's where I come in.  Because of my OCD and inner Martha Stewart I refuse to start one project without finishing another.  So, when I get a call from my mother and she says, "I want you to come look at something" I already know it's my next project.  But today I finished one of my own, Zarzak... 

I'm not sure what he is, but I made him for my nephew Dweedle and I thought the Budweiser was a nice touch.

Finally, I have a top-secret mission; actually both my grandmother and mother are in on it, but whatever.  The mission is... Steal my grandfathers sweat pants and wash them before he wakes up tomorrow.  It's about 9:30PM and I'm waiting for him to go to sleep so I can capture them!  Then, I record the size (So I can buy him more), wash them and put them back in the exact spot I took them from.  Wish me luck my friends, if I'm caught, it could be deadly.   

That is all.

Sauerkraut 

Mouse In The House

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This weekend I went to Salt Lake City, Utah. I guess you could say I had a pretty good time. I...

- Had lunch with a former co-worker.

- I went to Poco Loco and bought some new goggles. Where I live they don't sell my favorite kind.

- I bought new underwear!!! My hunt for new underwear has been going on for some time now and I have finally found some comfortable underwear! In fact, the next time I go back I'm buying a shit load more.

- I got my haircut! I've only had one hair cut in 15 months! Scary.

- I had several Mr. B's from my favorite coffee spot, Beans and Brews.

- I got hit on at the strip club and it damn near sent "The Boys" into a frenzy... I love being the only girl in a huge group of Poly boys.

- I went to the club, which sucked, but I enjoyed watching the people I was with have a good time. One day I will have my dance partner with me and she'll make me feel comfortable enough to bust some of my own dance moves. Sigh.

There was a time in my life when I hated Utah, but driving home last night I found myself missing it. It took me an hour longer to get home yesterday because I put off leaving and ended up driving at night... In a snowstorm. If you know me at all, I suck when it comes to driving at night and I'm even worse in the snow.

* Insert a smart remark regarding my driving courtesy of I Heart To Fart here. *

** I can feel my medication kicking which means I'm starting to get really sleepy and the room is starting to spin. In other words, this post may be really fucked up. **

Uncured of my cabin fever I arrived home safely and immediately hit the sack. When I woke up this morning I headed to the bathroom to wash my face, brush my teeth and all that great stuff. When I headed back to my room I noticed something on the floor of my grandparents bedroom. Thinking it was a dog toy I got a little closer, nope it was a dead mouse!

*** I never finished this post last night; I actually fell asleep writing it. I will finish it now. ***

When I discovered the mouse I quickly snapped a few photos and informed my grandfather. Shortly after he came upstairs and flushed it down the toilet? So, if the toilet clogs, it's not my fault. Oh and of course he chased me around the house with it.

A few more neat things...

* My grandmother gave me some money today for helping her around the house. I told her I didn't want it, but she insisted...  To prevent an argument, I took it. She told me to "put it away" and quickly added that the "next time I was offered sex for money, I would have some to take them up on the offer." Wow. I've never paid anyone for sex and I'd like to think I wouldn't have to, but I guess you never know. Thanks grandma!

* Today I was showing my mother my new underwear because I believe they're the same ones she has, this weirded me out because it left me wondering if she's sassy, or I'm a fuddy duddy? Anyways, I was in the sewing room with my mother and grandmother when my grandmother chimed in, "did I ever tell you about the underwear your grandfather sent to me when he was in Japan?" I replied, "no." She gasped and continued to tell me that my grandfather sent her crotchless underwear and a bra with nipple holes... A little taken back, my mother and I looked at each other before I replied, "well that's awkward, but thanks for sharing." These my friends are the moments I live for!

That is all.

Sauerkraut