First Week On The Job

Sauerkraut Here!

I’m exhausted. It’s been another busy week, but a good one.

Today marks the end of my first week at the old people home and I love it. Here are just a few good stories:

- “Hi Ray, how was your night?” “Aside from being a handicapped geek, pretty good.”

- “Hi Carol, what’s happening?” “Poppin’ pills!”

- We took a busload of people to Hires (a local burger joint) as part of our “Out to Lunch Bunch.” The following took place:

      Jim (who can’t control his limbs) flung food and spoons everywhere!

      Ray spilled an entire fucking milkshake on himself and then it dripped off him, onto the floor. Three minutes later, he spilled another one, all over the table. He got upset, drove his Jazzy through the first milkshake and parked it in the corner of the restaurant.

      When we got back to the old people home we were unloading the bus. Ann goes scooting passed us, mumbled, “I’m soaking wet.” Yup, Ann peed herself.

- Today I met Dorothy (a new favorite). Dorothy is a character. When we walked in we couldn’t figure out why she didn’t want to talk to us. Eventually we discovered that it was because she had smuggled a cupcake from the kitchen (for one of the doctors son’s) and was trying to hide it from us. While she was trying to hide it from us (she dropped it into a paper cup and covered it with a napkin… Apparently she hides food all over the facility) we noticed she had a chocolate covered pretzel stick in her pocket.

When we finally got her to come talk to us one of the CNA’s commented on her hair and she replied, “Thank you! I’m using that new lip-gloss.”

We sat her down for a moment to talk to us and she told us a story about her dog “Beau.” Apparently Beau went missing one day and when they (her and her husband) went to look for Beau the neighbors informed them that they would never find Beau… “Because the Laotian’s Roasted Him!”

She quickly transitioned into a story about her son’s girlfriend who was nearly the victim of rape/murder by some mass rapist/murderer still on the run. In the middle of her story she looked at me and said, “I can see you have a breast.” Yes, it was singular. Then, she told me she didn’t have any because she had cancer three times and they cut them off. The poor thing looks just like E.T.

- During a piano concert:

      Two old ladies were trying to whisper to each other but there was music and they are hard of hearing so they were screaming back and forth.

      Ginny got pissed off that the guy was taking too long to introduce the next song and she blurted out, “Shut up and play already!”

      Ray didn’t want to be a part of the concert anymore so he kicked the door leading to the patio repeatedly, during a performance, until he could drive his Jazzy out the door.

Good times I tell you, good times.

Today I arranged for us to go milk a cow at Wheeler Farms and tour a local candy company, so I’m sure I’ll have some more good stories to come.

Just when things were starting to make sense, I was called for an interview on Monday morning. Two weeks ago, I would have been thrilled for this opportunity. Now that I’ve fallen in love with a group of old people, I’m nervous I may have to make a really, really tough decision.

Currently I’m baking a cake for my nephew. I really, really tried to do something manageable, but its not happening. As always I’ve spent way, way too much money, been baking for days, super stressed out about the outcome and pooped. These fucking boys are spoiled.

Tomorrow I’m waking up super early to drive to Boise, Idaho for his birthday celebration. By Sunday, I will be a fucking mess. Talk to you then.

That is all.

Sauerkraut