Well she’s finally here, vagina and all.
My favorite photo of her thus far.
When my brother informed me that I was going to be an aunt I knew it would be a girl and I knew she would arrive late. I actually predicted that she would arrive on February 27th (my “fathers” birthday) just to spike us both. But it wasn’t long before I got my weird auntie vibe and determined that she would arrive on February 23rd. Why? No fucking clue, something just told me that would be the day.
Tiny feet.
It took me a really long time to prepare for this little girl, but I finally, at the last minute got my shit together and made her a quilt, an animal and bought her an outfit. Most importantly I had to come up with her nickname. After much debate I decided to call her “Fin” because she is the grand “FIN”ally. At least I hope they’re “FIN”ished having kids. I also gave her the name because I was a swimmer and I’m hoping she will be too. Hopefully she won’t be a fuck up like her auntie and she’ll actually use her talents to get her through college. Moving on…
Quilt with her nickname on it and her animal. I made it out of a cashmere sweater.
Backing to her quilt.
Her first outfit from Auntie.
Hoping this would be my last niece/nephew I decided I would do whatever I could to be at her birth because I missed the previous four, sigh.
After months of preparing my boss (at the old people home) for my day of departure I was told, the day before, that I didn’t have enough vacation… I needed 24 hours and I had only accumulated 18.6 hours. When I told her I would use all of my vacation time and take 5.4 hours of unpaid time, I was informed that my request needed to be approved by corporate and that any unpaid, vacation extensions would not be honored. Luckily my boss had a heart because she let me go based on my great work ethic; she knows I’ll make up the hours. And honestly, making up 5.4 hours will take me oh, maybe two days.
So, on the morning of the 23rd I somehow woke up at 4AM (I find this interesting considering I can’t make it to work by 9AM), got ready and packed my bag. To no surprise I waited to pack until the very last minute.
I stopped to get some gasoline, some coffee (not a fan of Maverik’s coffee by the way, yet I continue to buy it.) and hit the road. Just as I was about to jump on the freeway I got a text saying the hospital didn’t have room for The Neighbor Girl in labor and delivery. I asked her if I should still come and she said “yes,” so I continued on. Honestly, I wasn’t too worried; I knew my brother would take care of it.
When I arrived at the hospital in Downtown Boise, Idaho they were finally taking The Neighbor Girl into a room to be induced. I stuck around the hospital for several hours but eventually decided to leave.
I wanted to be there for the birth of the baby but then I decided that maybe that wasn’t a good idea. Having a baby is a very personal experience and in the end I decided it was a moment to be shared among family. I also wanted The Neighbor Girl to be comfortable, not worried about hiding her parts from me. So I decided to give her the privacy she needed and left to get my babies AKA my nephews.
When I arrived at their babysitters I was greeted by my little Izzy. He was sitting on the couch yelling, “Hi Aunt Wanie!” In a matter of moments I had the boys in the belly of my bug and we were off to meet their sister.
First photo of us together.
Satisfied that I got to hold my tiny niece in my arms minutes after her birth was amazing. Shortly after, some of The Neighbor Girls friends arrived and I decided it was time for me to go. It was time to decrease the amount of people in the room, give others a chance to see the baby and get some rest at the hotel.
The next day was crazy. I woke up fairly early, drove an hour (round-trip) to get the babies and took them swimming at my hotel. To my surprise my hotel had a kiddie pool that was only a foot deep, very nice for the little ones. I tried to show the boys a good time but Izzy seemed to be very content splashing around. We played sharks, horse and splash each other… But not in the face, he hates that. Putting his face in the water will be his biggest obstacle to overcome when learning to swim, he’s great at bubbles!
Dweedle on the other hand stood on the side of the pool saying, “Wet. Wet. Wet.” I couldn’t decide if he thought he needed dry swim shorts because he got his wet or if he thought he needed to be naked to play in the pool, both seemed valid knowing him. But, eventually I got him to have fun by throwing the kiddie chairs into the pool for Izzy to retrieve.
Rule #24. If you care for little ones that aren’t yours and are of the opposite sex, always have a swimsuit on hand!
After swimming I took the kids to the room to give them a bath, I needed to wash the harsh chlorine off their little bodies. Like a good auntie I wore my swim suit, sat on the side of the tub and made them wash their own wieners. Apparently my good auntie skills were no excuse for not having bubbles for the tub. Note to self, buy bubbles.
After bath time I moved everything breakable/harmful/valuable to a number of really high shelves, unhooked the phone, turned on SpongeBob Square Pants and took a shower myself… With my swimsuit on, the bathroom door open and the shower curtain half open. Sigh, kids are tough.
Chowing down his "Cowboy Pizza."
When I finished getting ready I asked the kids what they wanted for lunch and to no surprise Izzy replied, “Pizza Palace.” On our way out I asked the front desk clerk where the nearest pizza place was and the next thing I knew we were at an Idaho Pizza ordering “Cowboy pizza.” In Auntie Sauerkraut’s world, that means cheese.
After I knocked over my soda trying to prevent Izzy from knocking over his, he dropped his on the floor. Just then some worker lady came over and asked if the kids wanted some candy and a balloon, to which I replied, “Ah! These fucking kids aren’t getting shit!” She stomped away with attitude only to return with a smirk and a snotty comment, “THIS MOMMY see’s this spill as job security.” I replied, “Well THIS AUNTIE sees this as a sign it’s time to get the fuck outta here!” I’m a great fucking aunt by the way. P.S. Dweedle bit my finger so hard when I was feeding him pizza. It wasn’t his fault but holy shit he’s got some choppers!
Snuggle time.
On the way to get my oil changed at my brother’s place of employment the boys fell asleep and slept until half way through the oil change, nice. They did pretty good after they woke up (they’re all snuggly after they woke up and I love it) and were happy to see their dad. Shortly after their nap we were headed to the hospital to see their mom who they also really missed.
When we arrived at the hospital all hell broke loose. I think that the boys were ready to be home in their own space and just super excited to see their mom and their sister, but they were acting fucking psycho! When we first arrived The Neighbor Girl wasn’t ready for us so I took the boys downstairs for some snacks. Izzy had to go potty, and then Dweedle decided he had to go. They were pushing buttons on the elevators; I remember telling one guy, “Enter if you dare.” They were walking slow as shit and daydreaming about some magical wonderland I guess. Finally, by the time we got back to our floor I yelled, on a floor stuffed with new mothers and nurses who love children, “Ah! You fucking kids!” You should have seen the looks.
Not listening to anyone, climbing on their poor mother and touching everything! Have you ever noticed that kids can’t go more than three seconds (if that) without touching something? It sucks.
When we left the hospital we stopped for haircuts. I wanted to get the boys haircut when I was in town, but I was too chicken to ask their parents. Then The Neighbor Girl said something about doing it, so I took it as okay to move forward.
The haircuts went surprisingly well. I knew Izzy would be okay with it because I’ve taken him to get his haircut before, Dweedle was the wild card. Dweedle tends to flip shit about the most random shit. And his screams are among some of the loudest I think I’ve ever heard. Plus, he doesn’t quit screaming for a long time when he’s unhappy. But to my surprise he did really, really well. He just sat there like a peach staring at the man getting his haircut behind us. Again, Izzy did fine, “What’s your name?” “My names Tistan Izzerd.” “What you doin?” This kid. Seriously.
After haircuts we stopped for a Subway sandwich and headed home. The boys were really excited to be home and when we arrived the stripped off the majority of their clothes, if not all of them, ate part of their sandwiches (which I later fed to the dogs) and played for a little bit. It wasn’t too long before I decided it was time for bed. So they got on their “jammie pants” and put them to bed. Dweedle fell asleep right away but it took me rewinding “The Lone Ranger” three times before Izzy gave in.
When my brother finally got home I rattled off some informative information and drove back to the hotel for some slumber of my own, I was fucking beat.
The next morning I woke up super early, like 4AM, got ready and made the long drive to my brother’s house so he could go to work. I’ve learned, from past experiences, that the boys wake up at about 7AM, so I knew I had a good 30 minutes to try and catch some sleep. Sure enough, 7AM, there stood my little Izzy in his Superman “Jammies.” Aunt Wanie!
I let the boys watch cartoons, play for a while, then fed them some cereal and coaxed Izzy to finish breakfast by promising him a “candy bar” AKA a Special K Bar if he did so. Izzy’s not a big eater. He wants to eat all the time, but never eats much. Dweedle on the other hand, can always eat and will happily eat everything in sight.
Then it was bath time. Because I’m an auntie I let them take a bath in their parent’s new “tub” as Dweedle calls it and the “pool” as Izzy calls it. Bath time went well once I found the bubbles and the Superman bubbles (the 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner and bath wash, how convenient!)
Izzy and his "Superman" pose.
The kids played for a while longer and then Izzy said he was hungry. When I asked him what he wanted he replied, “sam-itch!” But quickly changed his mind to “Donald’s” AKA McDonalds. I didn’t feel good about taking my nephews to McDonalds but Izzy slapped on his sweet voice, touched his nose to mine and said, “Aunt Wanie… Take me Donald’s.” And I quickly replied, “OK!”
So, 23 minutes later we were at McDonalds. To no surprise my weirdo magnet kicked in (thanks for that mom and dad) and a table full of people fell in love with my precious nephews. It didn’t help that Dweedle said hello as one of them passed by and Izzy started up, “What’s yur name is?” For the next 30 minutes we made small talk with the group, I think the table behind us was jealous that the group paid no attention to them and their kids, but their kids weren’t the shit, mine were. Again, I begged Izzy to finish his hamburger (he likes to fill up on his drinks) and Dweedle chomped his down like a monster.
It wasn’t long after we got home from McDonalds that The Neighbor Girl arrived home. In fact, she came home just in time to witness Izzy crying. Thanks dude for making me look like a bad aunt. Really what happened was Izzy likes to like up his cars, he’s done this for as long as I can remember, perhaps he should work at Avis Rental Car? But Dweedle took on of his cars and it pissed him off.
Going home.
The rest of the weekend was a blur and I honestly don’t remember much. I sat there while The Neighbor Girl and her mother tried to get some nice photos of the kids, but clearly the kids had other plans, I helped my brother move some stuff and I guess I just sat there because I don’t really remember much.
Sleeping in auntie's arms.
In other news, after my oil change and during my tire rotation my brother discovered that I had a nail in my tire. He removed it, patched it and to no surprise the patch didn’t hold. I say this not because my brother did a poor job patching my tire but because I have the worst luck when it comes to traveling.
So, I extended my stay an extra day and rode around in my brother’s truck while he got the tire, put the tire on the rim, put the tire on the car, etc. I was definitely very helpful. When all was said and done it was time for me to hit the road because I can’t see for shit at night and I had to work the next day, not cool.
So, yeah that’s my trip in a nutshell.
That is all.
Sauerkraut
Your post made me laugh! I love you got to come down! And you have no idea how much I appreciate you taking care of the boys. I know they are a handful but I didn't worry about them once when they were in your care....I was just worried they were going to be the reason you ended up picking up drinking lol. They boys miss you already and are driving me crazy asking when you are coming back. We will have to set up a skype date for all of you! In other news your nieces umbilical cord fell off...Dweedle picked it up and before I could stop him he said "MMM candy" and put it in his mouth...
ReplyDelete