There's So Much To Catch Up On!

Sauerkraut Here!

So much has happened since I last wrote and I will do my best to catch you up.

Regarding the lumps in my neck, I now have two lumps and the one has “more than doubled in size.” However, my blood work is fine and I do not have The Cancer. However, the doctor said that I did test positive for… I forget what it’s called, but basically it’s the second most popular type of thyroid cancer. So, it looks like I have to get these puppies yanked out of me sooner rather than later and now that my grandmother and mother know about them it will be really soon. Moving on…

Random photo time!  Chickpea and I went to see the "biggest house in Utah," supposedly.  Regardless, it's fucking huge.

The week of Mother’s Day was crazy at the flower store. In fact, one night we were there until after Midnight. By the end of the week my back and feet were in so much pain, just lying in bed hurt and it took me a few days to recover. However, the extra money on my check was very helpful and I used it to pay my car insurance, oh joy!

Some of my more recent work.

I sent my mother flowers and balloons on the Friday prior with a card reading, “29 balloons for 29 years of BLISSFUL motherhood. You’re the shit, take a big whiff. Love, “The Cheese.”

However, the flowers looked like shit so I spent the next few days arguing with the flower company in an effort to get my money back. I won.

What it should have looked like...

What I got.  What the fuck is this?

For my grandmother I made a flower arrangement that looked like that stupid little dog of hers that she loves so much. She liked it, and here’s a photo…

Bow wow!

The back, so very interesting.

What else? Oh! I went on a ghost hunt!

Yes, I invited myself months ago and I was supposed to go with I Heart to Fart and Chickpea, but they backed out. Luckily Sheek Geek and Tar-J stepped in and one of my co-workers didn’t have anyone to go with her either, so she became my buddy.

The hunt took place at the Baron Woolen Mill (built in 1869/1870) in Brigham City, Utah. There are several confirmed deaths that happened in the building: a woman who died of “natural causes upstairs,” a girl who was raped and tortured to death by multiple people and a little boy (Billy, haha!) who got yanked into one of the machines and sewn to death, delicious. I think there are a few more, but I forget.

The Baron Woolen Mill

I’ll admit I was feeling wishy, washy about this experience. As most of you know, ghosts are one of those “love/hate” things for me. I’m so intrigued by the afterlife, yet so terrified of it at the same time.

When I got there we learned a little bit about the building/s and did a walk through of the places we would visit later. The two areas that made me the most uncomfortable were the boiler room and a separate building with a giant trench running through the middle of it. However, I took comfort knowing that I had my puppy with me (a tuft of his hair in my pocket). For the record, he may have been a little retarded, but he would never let a ghost hurt me.

 Those stairs lead down to the boiler room, spooky.

When they split us into smaller groups to take us to different locations on the property to contact the spirits I was probably the most nervous. Our first stop was this weird building that was used for something, but I can’t remember what. Once we all stuffed ourselves into the room the leader of our group set a stud finder (that’s what I call it) on the floor and started asking questions.

We did get some answers (1 light for yes, two lights for no), but that wasn’t the most impressive part and I also convinced myself that it was picking up cell phone/Internet reception type stuff. There was a door leading to the outside that would close on its own if asked. There is a large possibility that it was the wind, but it was rather peculiar that it would close on command.

The next place we went was the boiler room. I remember sitting on the stairs getting frustrated that I hadn’t had a true ghostly experience. As much as I believe in ghosts, I still want proof.

The lady behind us said her neck as burning and that she had been scratched, but for all I know she could have been back there (in the pitch black) rubbing/scratching herself. Then the leader of our group got “pushed.” If you know me at all I spook super easy, but don’t scare easily. I definitely screamed when I saw the guy hit his face on the pole because I knew in my mind that I for sure saw that, there was no question. However, I later decided that he forced himself into the pole.

Lies! Lies I tell you!  Lies!

We then moved into the room where Billy was killed. Our new group leader had some temperature gauge thingy and he asked that the spirit/s drop the temperature to forty degrees. In a short amount of time, maybe 10 minutes? It dropped 19 degrees and that’s when I screamed, again. Our original guide was sitting next to me and he dropped his flashlight. He claims is it was “yanked” from his hands, but whatever. Anyways, my scream was so horrific I scared the group leader, who later told me that I would do great at the next horror film they shot on location, super.

The machine that ate Billy.

Around Midnight Sheek Geek and Tar-J went home and my co-worker hitched a ride with them (she got scared after the boiler room incident). So, I added myself to another group (by this time we had gone from about 30 people to maybe 10, maybe) and we went back to the room where Billy was killed, this time the leaders brought along a glow in the dark Ouija board, joy.

At first two kids were asking the questions and they claimed it was moving on its own, but whatever, they were probably high. Then the “investigators” jumped on and that’s when the thing really started to move answering questions, spelling out names, etc. It was rather interesting, but I think the investigators were moving it.

And that my friends, was the end of it. I went home around 2AM with no validation; my logical mind had debunked every experience. Would I do it again? Sure, why not.

In other news, I’m taking a “Let’s Get Metaphysical” class. The first one was last Wednesday and I’m pretty sure I went to the wrong class. Not really, but that first class was one of the weirdest experiences of my life.

The people in the class are freaks, really. They’re fucking weird. They were talking about all these books on meditation, protecting yourself with the “white light” and one lady shared that she meditated for a man and ended up with a cat!

When people start getting all philosophical and shit I tend to zone out, I’ve never liked that stuff. In fact, next to math, philosophy was my least favorite class in college.

Then, it got really weird! The teacher turned out the lights and everyone (minus me) started meditating! She was telling them to go into gardens and buildings and all these other weird places and they were totally into it. I sat there. Asking myself “don’t you need yoga mats for this type of shit? How did a cult manage to hold a recruitment meeting by disguising itself as a community education class?” And “Can I sneak out of here with one of those nice Kitchen Aid mixers?” We were in the home economics classroom.

Sigh. Will I go back? Probably. We’re doing Tarot cards next week! I can’t help myself.

Yesterday was Sheek Geek and Tar-J’s wedding reception. As a gift I made them a cake that I of course was completely disappointed by, but I wanted them to have something to cut and something to stash in their freezer for a year, but knowing these kids they’ll eat it way before then.

How cute is this little set up?

The reception was held at Sheek Geek’s grandfathers house and over all I thought it was precious. It was very small, which in my mind is always a plus. There were tables and chairs set up in the backyard with a few decorations and some yummy food… Super good fruit (I know, you never thought you’d hear those words in the same sentence), massive Subway sandwiches and some little cupcakes for a “treat.”

The happy couple.

 

The bride was dressed in a 50’s/vintage/goth type ensemble, does that make any sense? You could definitely tell she dressed for the occasion but she kept it very natural and put a personal spin on it, so I give her props. The groom wore the most adorable black tux with red accents and it was rather adorable if I do say so myself. However, Sheek Geeks grandpa stole the show in a Hawaiian shirt and silly socks, really they were pretty silly.

After some minor mingling (I guess I was feeling antisocial) and the cake cutting I headed back to the city for Mr. Coconut’s niece’s birthday party.

Nice!

When we arrived I noticed the pool was packed with kids and I instantly felt anxiety, but I really threw a fit when I saw Mr. Coconut’s youngest (who can’t swim by the way) scooting around on a noodle… in the deep end (9 feet).

Allow me to hop on my soapbox: I HATE “floatation devices!” They give kids a false sense of security. Parents are always so surprise when their child nearly drowns when a “floatation device” fails. Lifejackets are usually put on too loose and they end up slipping over the kid’s head. Some have a strap that goes between their legs so this doesn’t happen, great. Bummer that lifejackets force a child onto their belly so they can drown if they are too weak/pooped to lift their head up! Water wings. Oh God, I fucking hate water wings. They fall off, they deflate and they pop! End of story. Now a noodle! A slippery ass noodle that can fly out from under a child, I hate them. Here’s an idea, get your kids some swim lessons; enforce some rules and most importantly WATCH YOUR FUCKING KID/S! Moving on…

After Mr. Coconut put the baby in a lifejacket, some water wings and a noodle, I felt better, but I wasn’t about to take my eyes off of her. For hours I sat there watching the kids play and by the end of the pool party, I was exhausted.

We headed back to the hosts tiny apartment for some cake and by the time I helped get a little (okay she was little, she was Tongan, blind and in a wheelchair) grandma inside the apartment I was beat. There’s no relaxing around kids, you’re constantly watching them. Did Nick get some cake? Breeze; sit on the floor so you don’t drop your cake! Snow! You don’t need three hunks of cake!

By the time I got home it was around 9PM and I was done! Done. I tried super hard to watch a movie, but quickly realized it was useless and I went to bed.

Today I spent the entire morning and part of the afternoon cleaning my house, which truthfully, hasn’t been cleaned in weeks. Now I’m just trying to catch up on things so my life is in order for this upcoming week/weekend.

Monday I have a job interview and I’m really, really hoping I get it (cross your fingers). Things are starting to get tough (financially) again and if I don’t find a job soon, like within the month, I have to move home.

My brother and his family will be here on Friday to spend Memorial Day weekend with me. I want to be a good host, but unfortunately I don’t have the funds right now. I’m doing my best to try and make my shit hole of an apartment as presentable as possible and think of affordable things to see and do, but this is Salt Lake!

That is all, for now.

Sauerkraut

P.S. I’m back bitches!