Oh Shit!

Sauerkraut Here!

It’s been awhile since I last blogged but it’s not because I don’t want to or because I’m going through a great depression, but instead it’s because it just takes so much time.  So, I will sit here, butt naked with an ad for IKEA under my tits (they’re sweating) and catch you up, if you care.

So, here’s what I’ve been up to… Work.

Lately, I’ve been having a very difficult time at work.  This entire year we have had a low census and it is my job to fill the building.  My boss and I have been getting just as many move-in’s as we did last year, but unfortunately, right after Christmas several people passed away.  In addition, I feel as if we’ve been handing out 30-day notices to residents I don’t feel deserve them. 

What bothers me the most is that the staff doesn’t understand that I can’t do my job unless they do theirs, it’s a circle.  Example, I can’t sell a building if I bring a tour into the dining room and find a server wearing a cardboard box like a robot with alternative music blaring from the speakers.  And if I can’t get people to move-in, staff gets let go, hours are cut, staff gets pissed that they’re overworked and underpaid, they do an even worse job and families eventually decide to move their loved one’s elsewhere, it’s a circle!

I also think the lack of a thyroid and the hot weather has really been getting to me.  Moving on…

I recently had my annual review and I’m very disappointed in my evaluation, I can’t get passed it!  In fact, I’m still upset over my 90 day review when I was told I couldn’t wear open toed shoes!  I take great pride in my work and I hate being told I’m doing something wrong, I feel like a failure and that’s something I can’t handle.  So, I received A’s in everything except: competence, cleanliness, dependability, and respectfulness.  I got B’s in those four categories.

Competence – “Sauerkraut, the past year you have grown on many different levels.  You have a much better understanding of the ‘health care community;’ you understand the criteria for residents for assisted living communities.  Your knowledge in social media networking is incredibly strong.  You continue to meet the requirements and timelines for all functions of your job.” 

So… Why am I being told I’m not competent?  My E.D. did mention that she gave me a “B” simple because “I’m new to the industry and I still have so much to learn,” which I agree with, but!  Competence is the ability of an individual to do a job properly, so… Last time I checked, I’m able, I just need more training!    

Cleanliness- “The marketing office is a very busy, high traffic area.  It is of utmost importance to keep the office clean (I keep my shit clean… Stop putting shit in our office and maybe we could keep it that way), presentable (Again, stop putting shit in our office!) and organized (you’re telling ME to be organized?  Me?) at all times.  The common areas and storage rooms are a main focus (no one told me about the storage areas, how the hell am I supposed to know?) for your position.  I encourage you to be more detailed in the “details” (Again, you’re telling ME to be detail oriented?) of the building.  Always fix as you go, and involve the right team members to support you (interesting, I’m pretty fucking sure I email housekeeping every Saturday because there is no soap or toilet seat protectors in the bathrooms.  But!  When I mention this, I’m told by you, my E.D., that my ‘standards of other staff members are too high…’ I’m asking them to do their fucking job!  And when I do it myself, I’m ‘not letting others do their job…’  Because I know it won’t get done!).”

Dependability- “Because of health issues out of your control, a “B” is what must be given for attendance.” 

Seriously?  I worked 40 extra hours to make up for each of my surgeries, recorded that time and reported it to you within a week of taking that approved, time off.  Also, I’m curious…  Are the girls leaving early and going to doctor appointments every day for their pregnancies (that could have been “controlled”) getting B’s?  What about the girl who had gastric bypass surgery (controllable)?  She has already taken more time off than me for vacation (P.S.  She started after me, so she doesn’t have as much to use)?  Is she getting a B?  Nope. 

I’ve called in sick once!  And my E.D. had a fucking come apart!  I had to fill out forms and use a vacation day.  I wish you knew how many of my co-workers call in sick on a daily basis. 

This reminds me, I am the ONLY person in the entire building that has to wear closed toed shoes.  I’m not trying to brag, but after dating a black man for several years, you’d better believe my toes are always looking good.  But no, all these other bitches are running around with chipped polish and calluses’.  Fuck you!

Finally, and this one REALLY gets me going!  Respectfulness.  

As most of you know, I work with two bitches I call “The Orca’s…”  They are huge (like a whale) white and always wear black clothing (it’s not slimming them).  I hate these two bitches.  My predecessor HATED these two bitches and my boss is not their number one fan either.  I didn’t get a good vibe from them when I first met them, but I wanted to give them a chance, take it all in and form my own opinion of them… I can’t fucking wait to get fired so I can roll them into the creek and drown their asses! 

I knew they had it out for me since day one because they didn’t like my predecessor, I guess they assume were the same person.  And they don’t like my boss because she brings it to the E.D.’s attention that they don’t do their job.  So, because we work together I guess that means they don’t like me.  Whatever, they can talk shit about me, make fun on my clothes, I don’t give a shit!  But!  One day Orca Bitch #1 went to my E.D. and said I “called someone on the phone a bitch,” not true.  There is nothing that enrages me more than someone tarnishing my professional reputation, to my superiors with lies!  Do not fuck with my work because I take great pride in my work. 

So, ever since  I got called into the office for supposedly calling someone a bitch I haven’t looked at, spoken too or paid any mind to either of these bitches (minus professional, necessary conversation) and I know that really bothers them so they continue to attempt to get me into trouble because they want to get to me.  Well unfortunately for me, my E.D. loves these two… Although, I don’t think she would if she knew what they have and do say about her and her family.  Anyways, I am recording every single bullshit thing they do to me to use against them at some point in time because I know it will come to that.  In the meantime, I received the following evaluation… 

“Sauerkraut, you have a very outgoing personality which gives you a natural sedge way into building relationships.  You have gained the respect of ‘most’ (meaning The Orca Bitches) of your peers.  This type of work is emotional, stressful and overwhelming for many of the people we work with (so you’re excusing The Orca’s for their behavior and chewing my pussy walls off?  Nice.) and many families that are in a crisis situation.  Keep your upbeat energy, and focus on the sarcasm that can be perceived (keyword ‘perceived’) as ‘disrespect’ (you treat me with respect, I will do the same.  You cross me once, you’re fucking dead!)  Make sure you keep your life (what life?  And I don’t speak to anyone about my personal life at work; I learned that a long time ago!) and work balanced so you can continue to give your best every day!” 

Really?  Hey guess what… Fuck you!      

The good news is, I did receive a raise… Three fucking percent.  I guess that’s an extra roll of toilet paper to wipe my fucking ass with!  Speaking of toilet paper…

Today I was walking down the hallway when I heard a woman crying out for help.  When I entered her room I saw her walker and instantly worried that she had fallen, which can be fatal to an elderly person.  Instead when I rounded the corner of her room I discovered one of my favorite residents with poopy drawers around her ankles.  And not just a little poop, a lot of poop!  Diarrhea poop! 

My first thought was, “Fuck my life.”  But mind was telling me, “Oh shit (no pun intended) I’ve gotta help the poor thing!”  I immediately pushed he pendant and pulled her call button, but I wasn’t about to leave her there, she needed help! 

A lot of people wonder how I can do my job but for me it’s simple…

1)      I have a building full of 116 grandmas’ and grandpas and I would want someone to help my grandparents, so that’s what I’m going to do.  If my grandma shit herself and someone didn’t assist her immediately, I would fucking hunt them down and rub that pile of shit on their face.

2)      It’s similar to those stories you hear about where a horrible car accident takes place and a person lifts a car off of someone.  The “hero” never knows where they find the strength or courage to rescue the victim; instead they just know it needs to be done. 

3)      Getting old is an interesting part of life.  No one wants to get old, but for most of us, it will happen.  No one wants to shit themselves and have to cry out for help, but when you’re old, it happens more than you realize.  Getting old is probably the most frustrating and degrading thing that a person will ever experience.  You really need to take a step back and realize that this isn’t about shit, but instead about a human, who is upset that physically couldn’t make it to the restroom and embarrassed that they have to ask a person generations younger than them to come help them.   

So, I spent the next thirty minutes: escorting her to the toilet, taking off her shoes, poopy socks, pants, underwear, and depends, rinsing them in the sink, per her request, calling housekeeping to collect her garbage/dirty laundry and just trying to calm her down. 

The best part of the experience was when I asked her if she wanted me to close the door so she could have some privacy while I waited with her for the CNA?  She replied, “No.  But now you can’t say you haven’t seen an old fart on the pot before.”  I love her!

Eventually a CNA arrived and helped her while I fetched her an egg salad sandwich and a coke, her favorite. 

On Saturday I had to break up a screaming match between a man and a woman who were fighting for a spot at the mailboxes.  Redirect one little lady so she wouldn’t talk to another little lady because apparently she keeps coming into her room in the middle of the night to tell her she wants her room and it’s starting to scare the one little lady.  P.S. This woman also wanders down the hallway naked because she has memory loss and what she does remember is having to walk outside of her room at the place where she used to live to use the showers…  Now she walks into other residents apartments.   And finally…

I had a man set a plate of food outside my E.D.’s office.  Conveniently the community dog ate the bratwurst leaving behind a bun and some salad that she spread all over the lobby floor, nice.  When I confronted the resident about this he informed me that he was trying to prove a point to the E.D. and he wanted that plate of remaining food put in her office, so I put it in there and later had it removed.  Then, right before I left for the day I discovered that he had placed a fork, knife and plant leaf in front of her door.  Again, per his request, I put it in her office.  The point he was trying to prove was this…

I may have cut my pants off with a hunting knife because I was unable to get them off, but despite your attempt to take away my knife privileges, I can still cut my pants off using a knife from the dining room because they are sharp enough to cut a bratwurst and leaf, so, give me my knifes back.        

This is my job.  This is also the part I adore about my job.

I’m off to Boise this weekend for a “party with all Iron Man stuff.”

That is all.

Sauerkraut