I'm Sad

Sauerkraut Here!

I’m freaking out. My money is running out and I still don’t have a job, among other things. Deep in my heart I knew it would come to this, but now that it’s here I’m feeling overwhelmed and I’m starting to panic.

Reflecting on the past year it’s been good. I’ve enjoyed the time with my family, the time to work on myself, the time to travel and use my creative bug. It’s been great and I feel like I’m a happier person.

For example, yesterday was a good day. Yes, a good day! I felt like shit, but I got some stuff done. Maybe to some it wasn’t anything of importance, but it made me feel good.

I finished painting my grandparents bedroom and put everything back in place. It made me feel good to complete a project and even better completing a project for my grandparents. I can’t wait for them to come home and see the freshly painted bedroom.

I also made a tasty dinner for my overworked mother and my uncle. Okay, it wasn’t that tasty, but I’m running out of options. I made chicken fettuccini alfredo and fresh baked rolls. Starch and carbs! My favorite.

Then I finished off the night baking cookies. I made a double batch and put a portion of the dough in a Tupperware tub and put it in the freezer. Now, when my grandpa wants cookies, my grandmother or myself can just pull it out, thaw it and bake em up! I baked up the rest and made a potion for the house, a portion for my mother and her co-workers and a portion for my uncle. It makes me feel good to do things for people and even better when I do them for the people I care about.

Today I’m excited to make potholders with my mom and work on my nephews baby quilt. I’ll also be mentally preparing myself for “operation last resort.” It’s time to get back to reality and I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with it. Am I going to become the monster I used to be? I hope not.

It’s time to swallow any pride I have, apply for twice as many jobs and fill my days with three or four crap-tastic jobs.

I know I need to work, I’m not stupid, but I feel like I’ve actually gotten the opportunity to live life over the past year. Now that I have to return to the workforce, assuming I find a job, I’m going to miss it. A lot.

That is all.

Sauerkraut