The O.G.

Sauerkraut Here!

I just got to thinking...

The O.G.!  Yeah, yeah!

 Olive Garden has not been good to me, here’s why:

- I used to always order the Stuffed Chicken Parmesan, they got rid of it.

Yummy!

- Now I order the Chicken Alfredo. I love it, but it always, no matter where I order it, without fail, makes me sick. No, I won’t stop ordering it, it’s fucking good.

- Olive Garden was the site of my Last Supper. The “love of my life” (or so I thought) had just dumped me and being the idiot that I am, I thought it would be nice to do something for him, on his birthday… And yes, I was probably trying to win him back; I said I was an idiot. Anyways, I went out, bought all these balloons dropped them off early to the restaurant and when we arrived at our table, he rolled his eyes… And left the balloons behind. I’m pretty sure that was the last time I ever saw him. Dick.

- One time Mr. Coconut left his wallet at Olive Garden and being the idiot that I am I thought it would be nice of me to jump up, Sunday morning, while he snoozed away in the bedroom without a care in the world about his wallet being lost and go get his fucking wallet. When I got there, I parked my car and headed for the elevator. As I waited for the elevator I noticed a guy checking out my car. Thinking there may be a problem I signaled to him that it was my car and he signaled back to me… With attitude, to move it. Shocked by his unnecessary attitude, I snapped. I flew into the parking lot; called him every name in the book, told him to “go fuck his Mormon wife missionary style,” spit at him, and ran over his fucking valet parking sign… That was not there when I parked originally parked my car.

- Shortly before I quit/got fired from the radio station I spent my weekend working a six hour day, on no food. Starving, Mr. Coconut and I went to Olive Garden for dinner. I ordered the Chicken Alfredo (surprise), popped my sleeping pills and shortly after I started to feel very sick. When I started feeling dizzy and sweaty I thought it would be best if I headed to the bathroom to barf up my alfredo. I remember I was so dizzy I couldn’t see where I was going and I bumped into a Mormon bitch who like most, thought she owned her space blocking the path to the bathroom. So inconsiderate.

My stall was smaller, much smaller.

When I got to the bathroom, I entered the first stall open, unbuttoned my pants (I thought maybe I had the boo boo’s) and the next thing I knew I was on the floor… With my pants un-buttoned, fat hanging out for all to see and an awful pain in my face. Apparently, I passed out. This is the first I’ve ever passed out. I thought to myself, “Super” and then I heard one girl exclaim to everyone that “her father was a doctor!” I remember thinking, “Are you shiting me? You fucking U-Tard’s always exaggerate shit.” The hostess (with the most-est) brought me some water and I sat on the floor to my stall until I was ready to emerge from the bathroom. When I staggered out, there stood Mr. Coconut with a to-go bag. Oh, and the pain in the face? I hit my face on the toilet paper dispenser on the way down, I have a scar.

- Finally, while on the Great Idaho Road Trip I pet a little dog, I don’t even remember what kind it was, all I know is that I had an allergic reaction like no other. Some would think I just licked a cat. Knowing that I was having an allergic reaction I took some Benadryl (along with my sleeping pills) and begged I Heart To Fart and PDX to get me to some food quick, because I knew what would happen if I didn’t get something in my stomach soon. For whatever reason they were taking their sweet time getting ready and while I was trying to be considerate by not rushing them I was in major pain and feeling not so good. By the time we arrived at Olive Garden I was itching like crazy, covered in rashes, my eye was swollen shut and it was twitching. I still remember I Heart To Fart yelling at me, “Stop looking at me with your twitching eye!”

I serioulsy looked like this.

Of course there was a long wait that night and by the time we got to our table I was a mess. I honestly remember crap about dinner, but apparently I was talking a lot of shit to a lot of random people, very loudly mind you. I don’t remember ordering, eating, paying, leaving, nothing. I only remember I couldn’t get my oversized snowmen pajamas on that night and PDX trying to help me… If I recall I never got them on all the way and I gave up.

So, apparently Olive Garden is just not the place for me… But I will still go there.

That is all.

Sauerkraut