Mollykins

Sauerkraut Here!

Molly has been my buddy for over three years.  For some time, Molly was the reason I woke up and went to work, the reason I didn't quit my job, and my escape from the office drama.  Today, Molly is still the reason I wake up, but now it's to take her potty so she doesn't have an accident in the house.  

Molly has lots of health problems, but that is to be expected from an old dog.  According to the vet, "I have done all I can" for the ol' girl and because she has decided she does not want to eat her prescription food, or take her medicine, she is having lots of accidents.  Ultimately, renal failure will seal her fate.

I can think of many reasons to justify "putting her to sleep," 

1) She's almost 16 years old!

2) Her health is not going to get better.

3) She is very skinny, her bones are sticking out... But she's eating.

4) She needs to go potty 2-3 times an hour.

5) She's having lots of accidents.  Some require a bath, her bedding to be washed and the carpet to be cleaned.  

6) She is wearing a diaper full-time.  I don't want this to lead to skin irritation/infection.

7) Because of her accidents and the time it takes me to prevent/clean them, I have been asked by management to leave her home.  As most of you know, my boyfriend has a full-time job (M-F) and a part-time job on the weekends.  He also has three kids that will be returning to school soon and are participating in after school activities.  I on the other hand, have a full-time job, a part-time job and graduate school.  I simply cannot imagine leaving Molly home by herself in her condition.   

I know that if I leave her home, she will need to remain in the kitchen because I don't have a yard.  Even if I did, she can't be in this heat... She wouldn't last five minutes.  Because she can no longer walk on slick surfaces, I would have to put her socks on her and hope that she keeps them on all-day.  Plus, I'd have to put towels down on the floor.  Because she doesn't like to be alone, she will probably move the towels while searching for a person to be with.  Then, she will slip on her potty and end up stuck on her belly, unable to get up on all fours.  Yes, this happens a lot and I imagine it hurts her.  Finally, can you blame me for not wanting to return home to find my furkid dead and covered in shit!?  Wouldn't it be better to let her pass away in my arms before she feels alone, scared and in pain?

But I continue to hesitate for my own selfish reasons.  One, because she cannot talk, I will always wonder, "Was it too soon?" and two, I simply cannot watch life leave the body of such a sweet creature.    

Some history on Molly...

When I started working at The Creek, Dee was living in her home, but planned on returning to The Creek (she had lived there once before, with Molly).  Before anyone can move into The Creek, an assessment has to take place to ensure that the individual is appropriate for our community and vice versa.  Because I was in training, I joined my co-workers on the assessment that day.  I remember sitting in Dee's living room, playing with the giant, rambunctious dog that was jumping about when my director of nursing asked Dee to write a sentence (it was part of the assessment), she wrote, "I don't want to leave my home."  

On our way out I remember walking down Dee's driveway to my co-workers car when she turned and said, "Bye Molly!"  I asked, "Who's Molly?"  She replied, "Molly used to live at The Creek, she's Dee's dog."  I turned to look, but never saw her.

A few days later, the day before Dee's planned arrival, I received word that Dee passed away suddenly.  I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, she really didn't want to leave her home."  Sometime afterward, I truly can't remember if it was hours or days, I remember my co-worker speaking with a member of Dee's family via telephone.  At the end of the conversation she told me that the family planned to put Molly down.  Instantly, the animal lover in me was front and center, I thought to myself, "I must find this dog a home."  I replied, "My mom just lost our dog, maybe she'd be interested?"  I immediately got on the phone to ask my mom if she wanted a dog?" and to no surprise, she had a ton of questions for me: breed, gender, age, etc.  To be honest, I couldn't answer any of her questions because I didn't know the answers, I simply knew that there was a dog that needed a home!  

Some time after that, again, I don't remember if it was hours or days, a family member of Dee's arrived at my office door with what I thought, at the time, was an ugly little dog.  I don't remember much, if anything, about the introduction/acclimation stage, I just remember thinking, "This is a good little dog."  A few days later, my executive director said we could keep Molly as our "community pet."  I remember being so happy that this little dog had a place to live that I hugged her (if you know me, this is rare!).  From that moment on, it was me and Molly.  Because I was the one who brought Molly into this situation, I made sure to take good care of her.  I made sure she had food, water, walks, baths, clean doggy beds, regular vet visits, etc.  It wasn't long before I was head over heels for this curly-haired mutt.

I could continue to gush about how much I love this little dog, but I will spare you for the simply reason that if I continue to write, I will feel as if I were writing her eulogy and probably start crying...  At work... A big no, no as far as I'm concerned.

Knowing a piece of Molly and I's history together may help you to better understand the turmoil happening within me.  Do I rob my furkid of the life, I tried so hard to preserve and enhance?  Ugh, I'm just so torn.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Shity Shity Bang Bang

Sauerkraut Here!

 

I had a shity day, literally. 

 

I needed to go pick up a receipt from the flower store and while I was out, I stopped for an Egg McMuffin, one of my favorites.  They fucked up my “large, iced caramel, mocha Frappuccino” by the way.  This information does have purpose, I promise.  Moving on...   

Later, when I got back to work, it was time for the residents to do Yoga with Rudy.  I hate yoga… Because Rudy annoys the shit out of me.  So, while Rudy did her thing, I was trapped in the activities office and Molly was trapped in my office.  I considered walking across the room to go to my office, but I ran the risk of Rudy instructing the residents to “roar” at me… That’s her passive aggressive way of letting those who interrupt, know so.  To be honest, I just couldn’t deal with it that day.

So, after Yoga with Rudy, I made my way across the room to my office to discover Molly lying by the puppy gate, normally she’s on her bed.  Then I noticed she was shaking.  When Molly shakes it means one of four things: 1) She’s cold.  2) She’s nervous. 3) She has to go potty and 4) She did something naughty.  This time is was four. 

My sweet, little pooch took, what I believe to be, a massive dump in my office.  As if that weren’t bad enough, she walked in the poop until every drop of it was ground into the carpet, there was shit everywhere!  So, I spent a large chunk of my day scrapping dog shit out of my pup’s paws.  The shit was so thick that it wouldn't come off her paws by simply walking around outside, which is why I had to scrap it out.  It was like her new paw pads were a layer of shit.   

When I finished cleaning the carpet in my office, I took a trip to the bathroom where I regretted eating my Egg McMuffin, but I regretted it more when I sharted myself on the way out to the dumpster.  I’m not sure what I was thinking, but instead of going directly to the bathroom, I kept walking to put the trash into the dumpster.  Perhaps, I was questioning whether or not I just shit myself... At the age of 32... At work.  Indeed, back in the building I had to lose the undies and clean myself up.

Shortly after, I got a call from my boss telling me that I had to transport a resident to a doctor’s appointment.  Normally I wouldn’t mind but today, I was busy pinching my cheeks and it was 20 minutes away… Oh yes, and this was this residents 800^th trip to the fucking gynecologist!  As much as I enjoyed riding in my car listening to her tell me how “pleasant” her gynecologist was and how he “is inside her every 3 months,” I was slightly more concerned that I would lose my job for pulling over to shit on the side of a public road.

When we arrived, I felt fine.  However, while chatting with my mother on the phone in the parking lot, I suddenly realized, bad things were about to happen.  Pinching my cheeks, I rushed as fast as I could into the hospital begging for directions to the nearest bathroom.  I pushed passed the usher, or whatever the fuck you call them, and rushed to the pot.  When I made it, I decided my days of Egg McMuffin’s are over. 

Luckily, there was a pharmacy right outside the bathroom where I was able to purchase a bottle of Pepto Bismol.  I sipped it, with class, in the front lobby… Where I attempted to be extra kind to the usher lady I plowed through minutes prior.          

In other news, I received a little gem of a text message today.  When I first opened it I saw the text, “class photo” and I quickly glanced at the photo before realizing I couldn’t see it well enough.  Then I noticed a weird kid, front and center.  I thought to myself, “What the hell is that kid doing?”  And then it hit me… “Oh fuck, please don’t let that be my nephew…”  It is.  Yup, my nephew is “that kid.”  So proud.

 

 

I also went to the store without a bra on tonight and decided that I need to lose weight so I can shave my vagina better.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Fuck This Diet!

Sauerkraut Here!

I’ve been on the diet for a week now, it blows.  It really, really blows.  When people say shit like, “You’ll feel so much better,” I want to punch them in the fucking face with a piece of lettuce on the tip of my fist and eat a doughnut!  Because it’s a crock of shit!   

The other day I purchased A steak, it was $11.84.  When I texted my mom she replied, “You would have spent that at a restaurant.”  This is true, but the problem is, I would have gotten a baked potato and a soda for that $11.84 and a restaurant. 

So, today I drove all the way to Target to purchase the exact scale that gave me a nervous breakdown in Boise and when I got home, I ripped it out of the box, stepped on it and poof!  I’ve lost 23lbs.

So, my questions are:

1)      Did I really lose 23lbs.?  Because I think that’s impossible.  And it sure doesn’t look or feel like I have!  I feel the exact same.

2)      Is one of these scales wrong?  And if so, which one?  I’d like to think the scale in Boise was wrong, but if it was then I missed out on skydiving and wasted $125.00.  If the new scale is wrong, then I’m pissed and I want to take it back.

In other news, I had a very productive weekend.  On Sunday I sat around the house feeling bad for myself and today I cleaned the house and ran a bunch of errands.  I may be a loser, but I’m a productive loser.   

That is all.

Sauerkraut

My Trip to Boise

Sauerkraut Here!

Well, I made it back from Boise… And to be honest, it was an awful trip.  Here’s why…

First, birthdays are a big deal to me.  I don’t care for the other holidays and I cringe to even acknowledge Christmas.  So, I try to go all out for my babies (from another mother) on their birthdays.

However, this year didn’t go as well as I had hoped.  When Izzy came into my life I told myself I would: go to all of his birthday celebrations, make him a birthday cake, buy him a birthday outfit and get him a good gift.  Keep in mind this was before the other kids came along, but I love them and they deserve the same. 

This year I struggled.  I’m grateful that I got to attend the birth of my niece because I really, really wanted to, but it set me back a little bit.  So, when Dweddle’s birthday came I had less time off and less money to spend.  I was able to make him a cake, but I couldn’t afford to buy him an outfit or a gift.  To be honest, I’m still really upset about it.

Me and my Dweedle Bug on his second birthday, tear.

So, when Izzy’s birthday came about I wanted to try my best to do a better job as an auntie.  I was able to attend (that’s the most important thing, I hope?), I got both of them haircuts, new superhero outfits and three gifts each.  But!  I didn’t make Izzy a cake.

Izzy rocking his superhero outfit (including Spiderman shoes) and showing me his "fighting stance," he's in jujutsu you know.

Gift time!

"Batman! Batman! Batman!"  The kid loves batman!  

Okay, I did get them toys but only because one, I was able to rationalize them by saying they are "dress up clothes" for little boys and playing dress up requires imagination, spoken like a true marketer and two, my little man left me a voice mail telling me that "he having birthday and he want all Iron Man," so I jumped, like a bitch, rushed out and bought him all Iron Man."  I'm such a push over. 

I feel awful, but when I found out the night before I was leaving that Izzy wanted an Iron Man cake, I shit myself! Holy cow! That might be out of my league! Perhaps if I had known a month in advance I could have found time after work to practice, but the night before I was planning on leaving! Yikes! Next year, I'll ask sooner. In addition, I don’t think people understand how much time or money goes into those cakes, especially for a beginner like me.

So I had to suck up the tears (actually I didn't cry, I just felt like shit) and hope that I could purchase Izzy an Iron Man cake without disappointing anyone, too much. It hurt me so much that I had to break a tradition that I created because I wanted the kids to look back and be able to say, “My Auntie Sauerkraut made all of my birthday cakes.” But the truth is, I wasn’t prepared, I didn’t have the time and I didn’t have the money (cakes cost me between $150 and $200). After you factor in a rental car, gas, hotel, haircuts, outfits, gifts, food, etc. I blew over $600 to be a part of his birthday celebration… $648.57 to be exact… And I split the car and gas with Mr. Coconut. So you get my point?

 Little man and his ugly cake.

Make a wish handsome... Like "Maybe Auntie Sauerkraut won't fuck my adorable ass over next year." 

So the trip started off badly and it only got worse. I really hate revealing this because I don’t want anyone to copy me, but I was supposed to go skydiving on Sunday. However, the night before I was scheduled to go I went to Target to weigh myself using a scale I didn't want to purchase and I discovered that I have officially gain 70lbs. since my first surgery. It also meant I was too fat to jump out of a plane. So, I spent the next 26 minutes and ten seconds crying my eyes out to my mother on the water sports isle at Target, classy. Meanwhile Mr. Coconut just sat outside on one of the giant red balls munching on the snacks he just purchased. 

Me!  The fatty, in front of a Walmart*, can you believe it?  Good story...  The day before I left for Idaho I was driving to a marketing event when I saw the most adorable thing ever, the Tillamook Baby Loaf Bus!  I didn't even know about this thing!  When I saw it, I really wanted a photo with it, I almost skipped out on my job to follow it.  But!  It was meant to be because the day Mr. Coconut and I got to Idaho we pulled into Walmart* and there it was.  So, this is a photo of me and the most adorable bus ever!  Beep, beep!   

Now, I am not easily embarrassed and I’ve had what some would say are pretty embarrassing moments.  However, telling my brother that I “couldn’t go skydiving with him because I’m too fat” is probably in my top three most embarrassing moments.

The next morning while Mr. Coconut slept until 2PM (that caused a fight by the way)!  I spent my time researching tips on how to lose weight without a thyroid, what foods to eat, etc., just so you know there’s not much out there.  So, after crying my eyes out to my mother… Again I had a major breakdown…  In front of the housekeepers at Super 8 and my mom requested I leave Boise and head home to Poky.  Although I hesitated, I knew it was best.

Easy going Mr. Coconut drove me to Poky while I slept in the car, something I have never done!  When I finally arrived in Poky my mom came in for a hug and just when I was about to pull away I changed my mind and spent a good chunk of time hugging my mommy, like a bitch.            

Here’s a nugget of info, after Mr. Coconut ate a Hershey bar for breakfast, he went to McDonald’s, then ate cheese balls from the giant tub he purchased at Target and finally, he ran to Fred Myer’s for a late night cheesecake snack, fuck my life.   

After visiting with my family for a small amount of time I reluctantly headed back to Utah, gag barf.  When I arrived home I rushed out to Whole Foods to purchase two bags of food totaling $173.48, really?  When I got home I tossed a piece of chicken on my Lean Mean Grillin’ Machine and tossed out any food that wasn’t organic or healthy.  

I’ve been doing okay at eating better, but it fucking blows!  I would hope that you, my readers, would try not to judge me and instead try to understand that while I don't have the best eating habits (which I'm working on) I also have a medical condition that effects my weight.   

Yesterday I had a fruit salad for lunch, a piece of chicken for dinner and I choked down 8oz. of green tea, I fucking hate that shit!  What I really wanted was a “Baconator” from Wendy’s and a brownie.  I really wanted a fucking brownie. 

Today was an even bigger challenge because I had to attend a business lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.  I did okay...  Water, a Cobb salad and no cheesecake.  I repeat no cheesecake!  Tonight I made myself some weird ass chicken thing with: olive oil, minced garlic, brown sugar, basil and Havarti cheese.  Now I’m choking down my green tea… With a tablespoon of skim milk and packet of Stevia, it still blows.       

So, that, in a nutshell was my weekend.  Here's a couple photos of my cute little namesake. 

Look how she's looking at that bite of cake... She loves food!  Just like her auntie!

Even with frosting on her tiny face her smile melts my heart.  P.S.  Look at those thighs!  Precious.

I have some exciting things happening in my life lately that I may, or may not share with you…  I haven’t decided.  But!  You should still continue reading my blog.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Oh Shit!

Sauerkraut Here!

It’s been awhile since I last blogged but it’s not because I don’t want to or because I’m going through a great depression, but instead it’s because it just takes so much time.  So, I will sit here, butt naked with an ad for IKEA under my tits (they’re sweating) and catch you up, if you care.

So, here’s what I’ve been up to… Work.

Lately, I’ve been having a very difficult time at work.  This entire year we have had a low census and it is my job to fill the building.  My boss and I have been getting just as many move-in’s as we did last year, but unfortunately, right after Christmas several people passed away.  In addition, I feel as if we’ve been handing out 30-day notices to residents I don’t feel deserve them. 

What bothers me the most is that the staff doesn’t understand that I can’t do my job unless they do theirs, it’s a circle.  Example, I can’t sell a building if I bring a tour into the dining room and find a server wearing a cardboard box like a robot with alternative music blaring from the speakers.  And if I can’t get people to move-in, staff gets let go, hours are cut, staff gets pissed that they’re overworked and underpaid, they do an even worse job and families eventually decide to move their loved one’s elsewhere, it’s a circle!

I also think the lack of a thyroid and the hot weather has really been getting to me.  Moving on…

I recently had my annual review and I’m very disappointed in my evaluation, I can’t get passed it!  In fact, I’m still upset over my 90 day review when I was told I couldn’t wear open toed shoes!  I take great pride in my work and I hate being told I’m doing something wrong, I feel like a failure and that’s something I can’t handle.  So, I received A’s in everything except: competence, cleanliness, dependability, and respectfulness.  I got B’s in those four categories.

Competence – “Sauerkraut, the past year you have grown on many different levels.  You have a much better understanding of the ‘health care community;’ you understand the criteria for residents for assisted living communities.  Your knowledge in social media networking is incredibly strong.  You continue to meet the requirements and timelines for all functions of your job.” 

So… Why am I being told I’m not competent?  My E.D. did mention that she gave me a “B” simple because “I’m new to the industry and I still have so much to learn,” which I agree with, but!  Competence is the ability of an individual to do a job properly, so… Last time I checked, I’m able, I just need more training!    

Cleanliness- “The marketing office is a very busy, high traffic area.  It is of utmost importance to keep the office clean (I keep my shit clean… Stop putting shit in our office and maybe we could keep it that way), presentable (Again, stop putting shit in our office!) and organized (you’re telling ME to be organized?  Me?) at all times.  The common areas and storage rooms are a main focus (no one told me about the storage areas, how the hell am I supposed to know?) for your position.  I encourage you to be more detailed in the “details” (Again, you’re telling ME to be detail oriented?) of the building.  Always fix as you go, and involve the right team members to support you (interesting, I’m pretty fucking sure I email housekeeping every Saturday because there is no soap or toilet seat protectors in the bathrooms.  But!  When I mention this, I’m told by you, my E.D., that my ‘standards of other staff members are too high…’ I’m asking them to do their fucking job!  And when I do it myself, I’m ‘not letting others do their job…’  Because I know it won’t get done!).”

Dependability- “Because of health issues out of your control, a “B” is what must be given for attendance.” 

Seriously?  I worked 40 extra hours to make up for each of my surgeries, recorded that time and reported it to you within a week of taking that approved, time off.  Also, I’m curious…  Are the girls leaving early and going to doctor appointments every day for their pregnancies (that could have been “controlled”) getting B’s?  What about the girl who had gastric bypass surgery (controllable)?  She has already taken more time off than me for vacation (P.S.  She started after me, so she doesn’t have as much to use)?  Is she getting a B?  Nope. 

I’ve called in sick once!  And my E.D. had a fucking come apart!  I had to fill out forms and use a vacation day.  I wish you knew how many of my co-workers call in sick on a daily basis. 

This reminds me, I am the ONLY person in the entire building that has to wear closed toed shoes.  I’m not trying to brag, but after dating a black man for several years, you’d better believe my toes are always looking good.  But no, all these other bitches are running around with chipped polish and calluses’.  Fuck you!

Finally, and this one REALLY gets me going!  Respectfulness.  

As most of you know, I work with two bitches I call “The Orca’s…”  They are huge (like a whale) white and always wear black clothing (it’s not slimming them).  I hate these two bitches.  My predecessor HATED these two bitches and my boss is not their number one fan either.  I didn’t get a good vibe from them when I first met them, but I wanted to give them a chance, take it all in and form my own opinion of them… I can’t fucking wait to get fired so I can roll them into the creek and drown their asses! 

I knew they had it out for me since day one because they didn’t like my predecessor, I guess they assume were the same person.  And they don’t like my boss because she brings it to the E.D.’s attention that they don’t do their job.  So, because we work together I guess that means they don’t like me.  Whatever, they can talk shit about me, make fun on my clothes, I don’t give a shit!  But!  One day Orca Bitch #1 went to my E.D. and said I “called someone on the phone a bitch,” not true.  There is nothing that enrages me more than someone tarnishing my professional reputation, to my superiors with lies!  Do not fuck with my work because I take great pride in my work. 

So, ever since  I got called into the office for supposedly calling someone a bitch I haven’t looked at, spoken too or paid any mind to either of these bitches (minus professional, necessary conversation) and I know that really bothers them so they continue to attempt to get me into trouble because they want to get to me.  Well unfortunately for me, my E.D. loves these two… Although, I don’t think she would if she knew what they have and do say about her and her family.  Anyways, I am recording every single bullshit thing they do to me to use against them at some point in time because I know it will come to that.  In the meantime, I received the following evaluation… 

“Sauerkraut, you have a very outgoing personality which gives you a natural sedge way into building relationships.  You have gained the respect of ‘most’ (meaning The Orca Bitches) of your peers.  This type of work is emotional, stressful and overwhelming for many of the people we work with (so you’re excusing The Orca’s for their behavior and chewing my pussy walls off?  Nice.) and many families that are in a crisis situation.  Keep your upbeat energy, and focus on the sarcasm that can be perceived (keyword ‘perceived’) as ‘disrespect’ (you treat me with respect, I will do the same.  You cross me once, you’re fucking dead!)  Make sure you keep your life (what life?  And I don’t speak to anyone about my personal life at work; I learned that a long time ago!) and work balanced so you can continue to give your best every day!” 

Really?  Hey guess what… Fuck you!      

The good news is, I did receive a raise… Three fucking percent.  I guess that’s an extra roll of toilet paper to wipe my fucking ass with!  Speaking of toilet paper…

Today I was walking down the hallway when I heard a woman crying out for help.  When I entered her room I saw her walker and instantly worried that she had fallen, which can be fatal to an elderly person.  Instead when I rounded the corner of her room I discovered one of my favorite residents with poopy drawers around her ankles.  And not just a little poop, a lot of poop!  Diarrhea poop! 

My first thought was, “Fuck my life.”  But mind was telling me, “Oh shit (no pun intended) I’ve gotta help the poor thing!”  I immediately pushed he pendant and pulled her call button, but I wasn’t about to leave her there, she needed help! 

A lot of people wonder how I can do my job but for me it’s simple…

1)      I have a building full of 116 grandmas’ and grandpas and I would want someone to help my grandparents, so that’s what I’m going to do.  If my grandma shit herself and someone didn’t assist her immediately, I would fucking hunt them down and rub that pile of shit on their face.

2)      It’s similar to those stories you hear about where a horrible car accident takes place and a person lifts a car off of someone.  The “hero” never knows where they find the strength or courage to rescue the victim; instead they just know it needs to be done. 

3)      Getting old is an interesting part of life.  No one wants to get old, but for most of us, it will happen.  No one wants to shit themselves and have to cry out for help, but when you’re old, it happens more than you realize.  Getting old is probably the most frustrating and degrading thing that a person will ever experience.  You really need to take a step back and realize that this isn’t about shit, but instead about a human, who is upset that physically couldn’t make it to the restroom and embarrassed that they have to ask a person generations younger than them to come help them.   

So, I spent the next thirty minutes: escorting her to the toilet, taking off her shoes, poopy socks, pants, underwear, and depends, rinsing them in the sink, per her request, calling housekeeping to collect her garbage/dirty laundry and just trying to calm her down. 

The best part of the experience was when I asked her if she wanted me to close the door so she could have some privacy while I waited with her for the CNA?  She replied, “No.  But now you can’t say you haven’t seen an old fart on the pot before.”  I love her!

Eventually a CNA arrived and helped her while I fetched her an egg salad sandwich and a coke, her favorite. 

On Saturday I had to break up a screaming match between a man and a woman who were fighting for a spot at the mailboxes.  Redirect one little lady so she wouldn’t talk to another little lady because apparently she keeps coming into her room in the middle of the night to tell her she wants her room and it’s starting to scare the one little lady.  P.S. This woman also wanders down the hallway naked because she has memory loss and what she does remember is having to walk outside of her room at the place where she used to live to use the showers…  Now she walks into other residents apartments.   And finally…

I had a man set a plate of food outside my E.D.’s office.  Conveniently the community dog ate the bratwurst leaving behind a bun and some salad that she spread all over the lobby floor, nice.  When I confronted the resident about this he informed me that he was trying to prove a point to the E.D. and he wanted that plate of remaining food put in her office, so I put it in there and later had it removed.  Then, right before I left for the day I discovered that he had placed a fork, knife and plant leaf in front of her door.  Again, per his request, I put it in her office.  The point he was trying to prove was this…

I may have cut my pants off with a hunting knife because I was unable to get them off, but despite your attempt to take away my knife privileges, I can still cut my pants off using a knife from the dining room because they are sharp enough to cut a bratwurst and leaf, so, give me my knifes back.        

This is my job.  This is also the part I adore about my job.

I’m off to Boise this weekend for a “party with all Iron Man stuff.”

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Sauerkraut Here

I got a wild hair up my ass and decided to see what's out there.  Yup, I did it... I posted my shit on a dating site.  In less than 24 hours I have had 3 responses...  For your entertainment, I will post them here, enjoy.

Mr. Number Three

He's not awful, but THIS will NEVER happen.  Moving on...

Mr. Number Two

  

I'm not gonna lie, I'm hoping he's the bear... I might even take the girl.  And now it's time for the grand finale which is so mind blowing that I'm going to post his profile as well.  P.S.  I'm tearing up with laughter as I type.  Ladies and gents, Mr. Number One...

Mr. Number One 

Erotic passion and loving stimulation in all things desire is what I love to give but I find more meaning in making love than just having sex, is there anyone that feels the same way? I also love to give therapeutic massages as well so I know how to relieve tension from any part of the body. I believe a heart longing to be loved knows how to truly love humbly without asking for anything in return and that is how my heart views the world. I am not the type to let someone’s appearance determine their worth, personality and the beauty of one's soul is all that truly matters to me. I choose not to take anything in life for granted and not picky when it comes to talking with anyone, so I say leave a message and we can talk about anything your heart desires ^_^ abit about me: I am a crazy fan of anything Japanese, fully devoted to the study of the sensual/sexual arts (including therapeutic massages), read manga, listen to all kinds of music but I love techno the best!! I am very romantic, affectionate & write poetry and erotica whenever inspired by an intellectual who wants to be loved. My poetry and wordplay will leave you speechless in explicit beauty, juicy horror and breathless romance. If I had one wish, it would be to open up the eyes of those blind to life's simple pleasures that thousands take for granted, like the right to loved.

Yup.  Pretty sure I made your day.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

Sauerkraut Here!

Let’s get the lame shit out of the way…

I work with two Orca Bitches.  I call them The Orca Bitches because they are white, always wear black clothing are big… like orca whales, they kill the positive work environment and are fucking bitches.  To make a long story short, I hate The Orca Bitches.  So much so I have informed my boss that when I get fired I’m going to drag (I’d better start working out) the main Orca Bitch into the parking lot and kick her fucking ass.  I would go into why I hate The Orca Bitches, but there’s really no point other than they suck at their jobs, they’re miserable in life and they want to stir up trouble wherever they go which pretty much consists of home, their tiny office (Ha!) at “work” a fast food joint for lunch, back to their tiny office for “work” and home.      

In addition to The Orca Bitches I hate doing outreach.  I hate driving around, in my car, all day, every day, stopping off at various rehabilitation centers, etc. and annoying people, during their work day to advertise my company, it blows.

So, what’s worse?  Being in the office with The Orca Bitches? Or doing outreach?  Honestly, I’m not sure yet, but I think I’d rather do outreach… And that’s sad.  Moving on…     

Last week I did a sleep study.  Why?  I don’t know.  I’m sure it will say there is nothing wrong with me.  I also took a 3 hour long blood test where they jammed a needle in my arm 4 times.  Why?  I don’t know.  I’m sure it will say there is nothing wrong with me.  Finally I had an echocardiogram.  Why?  Again, I don’t know, but!  I’m sure it will say there is nothing wrong with me.  So…

Now that I have wasted my time and money on a bunch of tests I get to go back to the doctor who ordered them (more money) where he will tell me nothing is wrong with me and simply change my medication which is what I asked him to do the first time I went and saw him.

On a better note I took a somewhat impromptu trip to Idaho to see my family.  It’s always good to see my mom and grandparents but this time my brother and his family would be there.  We didn’t really do anything, just sat around and talked.  I did walk the "broked dog" as Izzy calls her, up Red Hill, I think she liked it?

Some photos for your enjoyment, rawr…

My niece, she's 2 months old today!

My niece... Look at those thighs!  I love them!  P.S.  You like her cowgirl boots?  A gift from auntie.

Ignore auntie, look at her little face!

My soulmate. 

Izzy story: When I went to the birth of my baby fin I taught Izzy a lesson and now he likes to repeat it... "Nobody touch my weiner, huh Aunt Sauerkraut!" 

This time I taught him that if somebody does touch his weiner he talls daddy and mommy.  I also taught him he is: smart, handsome and funny. 

My hero, sigh.

And I quote: "Take my picture Annie."

The whole gang, thank God they aren't having anymore kids (fingers crossed) because my arms can't hold them all.

And my favorite photo of the entire trip!

Finally, I know I am fat; you do not need to tell me.  I have decided that the real reason I want to lose weight is not because I want to feel better, look better, etc.  It’s so people will shut the fuck up!

That is all.

Sauerkraut

P.S. Conversation of the weekend:

Grandpa: "I like your form fitting jeans."

Me: "I like the hole in your t-shirt."