Monday, Bloody Monday

Sauerkraut Here!

This morning I woke up and discovered that my toothpaste was missing. It wasn’t long before I realized that my favorite floor lump (I Heart To Fart) took it home with him. I later discovered that he knew he took it, but didn’t bother to warn me, he just laughed it off. Really, he laughed about it. Meanwhile I’m in my bathroom, rushing to get ready for work and debating if I should risk being late for work to stop and buy some, text Sheek Geek to bring me some from his house or try to make my own with baking soda and Listerine. Fuck my life. Luckily I found a mini tube of toothpaste in an old travel bag of mine that I never bothered to clean out.

In other news, when I finally got in the car to go to work I called Mr. Coconut to inform him that he left his phone charger at my house. His response? “Oh, can you bring it to me.” Um, no. I’m clearly on my way to work, could you get your shit together?

On my way to work I noticed a funny sound coming from the drivers side of my car. Worried, but unable to pull over because I was on the interstate and cars were up my ass I called my mom… Because moms can fix anything, even over the phone from miles and miles away. As I was talking to her I realized that nothing was wrong with my car, I’m just an idiot who shut her coat in the door… It was flapping in the wind, slapping the side of my car. Super, now I’m driving down the interstate trying to retrieve my sludge soaked coat from the asphalt.

Finally at work I began to settle in just in time for my co-worker to scream at the top of his lungs (very flamboyant). After I shit myself, I looked outside to see a giant dog running though the snow out front. Still asleep it took me a minute to realize that it was not a large dog, but a deer.

The day continued to get better when the FedEx guy arrived with 61 Mini Mac computers, none of which we ordered.

And to top it all off the tiniest truck in the world parked in front of my place of business with two interesting characters stuffed inside, one still enjoying his lunch. The next thing I know, one of them is standing at my desk trying to sell me steaks.

WTF?

That is all.

Sauerkraut