I’m having a weird day. I’m getting a little frustrated that I don’t know what the next step in my life will be. I still don’t have a job and it’s almost been a year. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been applying like crazy, but all I’ve managed to find is a job teaching swim lessons one day per week. Clearly that’s not going to pay the bills. Today I applied for a part-time job working as a swim instructor for the city, but again, that won’t pay the bills. To make a long story short, I’m starting to panic.
If I stay where I am I have the familiarity and ease of a small town. I have my family and my dog. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and guaranteed company. What I don’t have are Mr. Coconut, my Salt Lake friends and a career.
If I return to Utah I will have the city and everything that comes with it… Better shopping, better food, a better chance of finding a good paying job and all of the buddies I made when I lived there. The truth is, I found some really neat people and I miss them… A lot. But, I won’t have my family and the comforts and ease of home.
Here’s the thing, I’ve been thinking a lot today and maybe I do want to get married, or at least be a part of a very committed relationship. I know, this is shocking. If this is the case, I can’t stay home. One, because Mr. Coconut is not here and two, if Mr. Coconut and I don’t work out, I’m 100 percent confident I won’t find a match here.
Also, I want to make money. But, I also want to be involved in people’s lives and travel. I want to bake my nephew’s birthday cakes, take them to Disneyland, walk my dog everyday, help my grandparents, etc. I can’t do those things if I’m in Utah.
To be honest, losing my job has been great! I’m not stressed, I’m not angry, I’m enjoying helping my family, having time to blog, make crafts and travel. Honestly, I’m happier now than I’ve been in a really long time. The only time I’m sad is when I think about what I’m missing out on in Utah. Mr. Coconut, my friends, my career goals.
I’m just really frustrated that I’m living a double life! I just want one and I’m not sure what to do?
In other news…
Lucifur went missing today eight hours. I actually did my hair today and ran a couple of errands, it felt nice to be outside, it’s the perfect weather (perfect weather = hoodie, jeans and flip flops). Puppy woke me up a 3AM to use the bathroom, 5AM to eat, and 5:15AM to use the bathroom, again. Then, I forgot about him and fell asleep, oops. I rescued him two hours later.
More fun with painters tape!
Um, I love this photo.
Finally, one of my errands was to return a pillow and a pair of shoes for my mom. When I was standing in line some bitch got so close to me it was driving me nuts. Why do people do that? This is my time at the register, back the fuck off! You running up my ass is not going to make the clerk go faster! Then, this cunt bitch started whispering to her boyfriend about my return, “she’s returning one of those pillows, I really need one of those.” Seriously. Why the shitness are you whispering? Do you think I can’t hear you when you’re standing so close to me!? What the fuck!? This, if you don’t know, is one of my biggest pet peeves.
That is all.
Sauerkraut
P.S. Thanks for reading and commenting PDX and BananaRamaDingDong (AKA Shanna).
P.S. Thanks for reading and commenting PDX and BananaRamaDingDong (AKA Shanna).
Where did my nick name come from?? I'm curious about it is all....on a different note, I'm not sure what to tell you about this. Let me think about it......
ReplyDelete“Shanna” rhymes with “banana,” and I love the phrase “BananaRamaDingDong.” Simple as that.
ReplyDeleteGood to know! Thanks!
ReplyDelete1) Wish I had an answer for the "what should I do with my life?" question. The best I have is do whatever makes you happiest RIGHT NOW and try not to use the word "should." Ever. (This is my new goal.)
ReplyDelete2) Your dog kills me.
3) I don't get this either. I think it's why I avoid most stores and do my grocery shopping at 2 a.m.