Dreams

Sauerkraut Here!

I was reading my buddy PDX’s blog today, P.S. I love reading posts, and I guess she had a dream. Here’s the thing… Her dreams are very… Fancy?  They tend to have deep meanings and shit.  Mine...  Are just fucked up.

Here’s my dream from last night…

I was lying in bed when I noticed my neighbor standing outside (some young guy, kind of cute. I don’t have a young, cute neighbor, but whatever it’s a dream). I got this weird feeling in my gut that said, “he’s going to try and kill me.” I slowly got out of bed, careful not to make any sudden moments that would draw attention to me and then, he came crashing through my window swinging one of those plastic yellow bats, WTF?

Because his eyes were still adjusting to the darkness I was able to sneak past him into my grandparents room. I woke up my grandfather, “grandpa! Where’s the gun!?” As usual he couldn’t hear a fucking word I was saying and my efforts to speak louder woke up my grandmother, who also couldn’t hear me asking where the gun was.

Eventually I found it but it was this piece of shit plastic gun that looked like a toy cowboy gun. I fired it at my neighbor hitting him in the upper arm, the rest of the shots I fired were duds, awesome. By this time I realized that he too was shooting at me, but they were all blanks? When I shot him he went back to my room and jumped out the window.

First I checked to make sure my grandparents were okay, they were. In fact, they were both just laying there arguing about where the gun was. Then, about five hours later I decided to call the police, but I couldn’t find the phone book! I didn’t want to call 911 because apparently I didn’t think that a neighbor crashing through my window with a bat and a gun was an emergency. After hours of trying to find the number to the police station I decided to call 911 and the dispatcher was a real bitch. This bitch! She told me that the police department wouldn’t come and investigate for some shit-ass reason I can’t remember; I think it was because I didn’t lock my window. I tried to tell her that the cops DID need to come because there was a really good Adidas Originals Superstar 2.0 shoe print on my clean, white window seal. And judging from the mark they left this dude kept his shoes looking clean. She didn’t fucking care?

The next night I noticed that my neighbor and his friend were sleeping in my yard. I got the hunch that they were waiting for me to drift off to sleep before they jumped in, attacked me, harmed my grandparents and stole all their money and crap. My hunch was right again!

They came busting through the window and this time I knew where the gun was. I went for it and I remember thinking “I’m going to bust so many caps in these guys asses that the cops are going to be able to see through these mother fuckers!” Sure enough, I did.

However, the next day, they were alive, WTF? So I was trying to keep the windows and the doors locked but my grandpa kept opening them, I was getting so pissed! I tried to explain to him why they needed to remain shut, but he didn’t give a rat’s ass.

Later in my dream my uncle invited the neighbor and his friend in the house, apparently they were buds and they were going to play some stupid game together, WTF? I didn’t believe that they were friends with my uncle but rather that they were trying to get in the house, so I slashed their bike tires. A bike tire, really.

Then my mom reluctantly came to pick me up for swimming and I told her we didn’t have to go, she was cool with that. But then, I felt guilty, so we went. I forgot my swimsuit, she was pissed. I borrowed my cousins brand new one that she got for a really great deal and my mom was pissed that my cousin got a really good deal on it and she didn’t. Then I woke up.

Now this is one of my more normal dreams, seriously, I have some really fucked up dreams, I should tell you about them. So I’m wondering, what the fuck are my dreams trying to tell me? I think it's telling me that two Rainbow Chip cupcakes today was not enough and I should go eat another one.  And why is PDX getting all the moving, deep meaning, movie like dreams?

In other news:

- My grandmother told me I was overweight last night and that I will probably get Diabetes.  Thanks Grandma!

- Someone at my mom's work wants me to make their wedding cake... I think I'll decline.

- I put a heating pad under my "special" baby, to help him grow.  I hope I don't cook him.

- My grandfather will not let me test "The World's First Compostable Chip Bag" in his compost pile.  Now I have to drag it back to my mothers and test it there. Which I'm sure she'll be really thrilled about.

- There is a woman outside calling for her dog. She has a very annoying voice and if she doesn’t take her fat ass across the street in a mater of minutes I’m going to go out there, get her stupid dog and strangle here with its tail.

- My grandparents are slobs. I’m going to go cry about it.

That is all.

Sauerkraut