Jackpot, Nevada And A New Bike!

Sauerkraut Here!

Yesterday at 9:30AM I Heart To Fart called me because he wanted me to go to Jackpot, Nevada with him. I’m not sure why, but I agreed to go, probably because I wasn’t doing anything else and I always have a good time with I Heart To Fart. Again, I’ve been to Jackpot, Nevada before, but it was years ago and I only remember the swimming pool.

We squished into the Mi-Rota, of course, and headed toward Jackpot. We would have arrived much sooner, but we managed to miss the giant sign telling us to turn. Let’s just say we ended up in some place called Buhl, Idaho… It took us an hour to get back on track.

The Mi-Rota

We got to Jackpot around Midnight and to no surprise, it was dead. While we were checking into our hotel room the reservations clerk mentioned that we had a room with a king sized bed. I Heart To Fart quickly jumped in, “nooo! We’re going to have to change that. Can we get two beds?” Crushed I asked him, “you don’t want to sleep with me?” In which he replied, “maybe if you washed your vag!” Awesome. Now everyone at Cactus Pete’s thinks that I have a dirty vagina. Neat.

Our room was on the second floor (yes, we still took the elevator) and was super cute, I Heart To Fart loved the décor. However, despite their advertisement the buffet was not 24 hours, so we had to go across the street for some grub.

Do you think these spots on our ceiling are coffee or blood?  

I would like to know.

I had a crap ass burger, the salad bar (which was pretty good) and the most disgusting double slice of German Chocolate cake ever. After I Heart To Fart ate the frosting off my cake we headed back to our hotel for some gambling. P.S. I Heart To Fart ate for free because she forgot to charge him and I got in trouble for taking photos in a casino, lame!

I Heart To Fart in Heaven... Smoking and Gambling.

It was freezing cold outside so I decided to skip into the hotel when I farted. It was good times.

We spent the next few hours sitting at the same set of machines, pushing buttons and gambling away our money… Actually, I blew $20 that belonged to one of I Heart To Farts co-workers and $3 dollars of I Heart To Farts. I never win. After I Heart To Fart kicked back a few Long Island Iced Teas he gave me a new knickname, “Fancy Feast.” What the fuck!? For the record, I don’t want to be Fancy Feast.

Eventually, we went to bed and I slept very well considering every pillow in the room was on my bed, thanks to I Heart To Fart.

Could there be anymore pillows on this bed?  I don't think so.

We woke up around ten, which after a late night of gambling seemed so early. When I woke up I realized that my throat was extremely sore, I wonder why? Was it because I was yelling at the kids on the swim team? Was it the cigarette smoke? Or was it something else? Regardless, it’s killing me.

While we were checking out of our hotel room the woman mention that she was going to charge him $80. Thinking we were being charged twice or fined, I asked I Heart To Fart if we were getting charged “because of the blow up doll.” Now everyone at Cactus Pete’s thinks we’re into some kinky shit.

Again, there was no buffet, boo. So we ate another God-awful breakfast at the same shit hole and hit the road. On our journey home we stopped at the same park I went to with my brother and his family a few days before. Good times.

I made it home just in time to fill out some paperwork for my new job as a swim instructor and purchase a “Cozy Coupe” for my nephew… It’s his birthday present. I’m going to put it together, plop a giant red bow on it and roll it out to him.

Finally, I purchased a bike today! It’s ridiculously perfect and I love it! It’s a red, Schwinn Cruiser, complete with a basket and a bell, hell yes.

My new bike!

That is all.

Sauerkraut

P.S. I rode my bike home and asked my grandpa to come look at it. He didn’t believe me when I said I purchased a new bike so it took some coaxing to get him out of his chair. He also told me that if there wasn’t really a bike, “he was going to punch me in the stomach.” Indeed there was a bike and his response was, “what about it?” Awesome, glad you like it.