Extreme Home Makeover

Sauerkraut Here!

It’s my turn to die.

When we first moved into our house we had lama’s living down the street from us, they were shot in the head. When I was in high school, a classmate of mine was ran over and killed at a party on the street next to mine. Years later, a little kid who lived on my street almost got hit by a car, lucky for him a young woman pushed him out of the way... A few weeks later she was stabbed to death in her house, four doors down from my house.

A few years ago I discovered that a kid, who would later stab one of his classmates to death, grew up across the street and a few doors down from me.

Recently, a guy I had a crush on growing up (he lived across the street from me) drown in a freak accident at a local reservoir.

Apparently, my street is cursed and I’m assuming I’m next to go. However, I think the hypocritical, trashy assholes living in the “train wreck,” that sits atop the land where the lama’s once roamed, are more qualified. Moving on…

I do not take Ambien, but I do take medication to help me fall/stay asleep and I’ll be honest it makes me a little loopy. For example, on Friday, I was irrigating at my mothers house when I leaned too close to the pump and burned my leg. To prevent scaring I’ve been putting Neosporin on my wound, but I can’t find anything to cover it with. Last night I discovered some maxi pads in my grandmother’s bathroom and I thought this would be the perfect band-aid, so I slapped one on and went to bed.

I remember doing this, but I’m not sure why I thought this was a great idea?

I’m currently working on two projects a practice cake for the fair and my nephews Halloween costume, neither is going well. I am not motivated, at all, to make this cake, but I know it’s necessary if I want to do well at the fair. Regarding the costume, here’s what I’ve learned… One, just because the company is called “simplicity,” doesn’t mean the pattern is simple and two, sewing clothes for children is tough, they’re so tiny. Regardless, I love, love, love my nephew’s to death, so it’s worth it.

Today my mom and I went to see the movie, “The Switch.” In my opinion it was super cute and it made me laugh, which rarely happens considering the movies coming out these days are crap.

After the movie mom and I went to TJ Maxx where I managed to pull myself away from the most amazing pair of black, thigh high, stiletto boots. Believe me when I tell you this is an accomplishment.

Back in the day my mom and I used to watch a number of TV shows together on Sunday night’s, none of which I remember except Extreme Home Makeover. In the beginning I loved this show, but then it got a little too cheesy for mom and I. Now, every time my mother sees the show she grunts with disgust and says, “ I can’t watch this show. That house is too big; they can’t afford to maintain that house! Who’s going to clean it?” Here’s where it gets interesting, it was recently announced that Extreme Home Makeover was coming to our town and apparently this is the biggest thing to happen in this town since the discovery of the potato, seriously. For several days the shows arrival has been the talk of the town, on the front page of the newspaper and the top story on the news. There’s even a bus for “spectators!”

For someone who hates the show my mother sure is interested in taking part in the festivities. One evening I received a text reading, “go take photos of the Extreme Makeover House.” On Friday I got a call from her, “Sauerkraut! There’s a bus that takes people to see the Extreme Makeover House! Do you want to go?” To which I replied, “you want me to take a bus to see a house?” Yesterday I received several phone calls from her informing me that “we need to do something.” I knew where she was going with this and I decided I would suck it up and go to the fucking house with her.

That's Paul DiMeo, part of the Extreme Home Makeover "design team," signing autographes and taking photos with the kids.

So, we took the stupid bus to the house, walked a block and a half (in the rain) and stood in the middle of a crowded sidewalk to watch a bunch of Smurfs (the volunteers wear blue t-shirts and white construction hats) scatter about building a house for a woman with too many kids. I will admit that the house is adorable.

Anyways, when we boarded the bus to go back to our car my mother said, “we should come back!” Fuck my life.

Finally, I’ve heard nothing from the fabric store regarding my training, so I’m wondering if they’re pulling a Victoria’s Secret. A “Victoria’s Secret” is when a company calls you, offers you a position with the company and then never contacts you again. Oh! And they ignore all efforts to make contact with them. So, they’re either going to pull a Victoria’s Secret or they are going to call me and want me to train this weekend… When I’m supposed to go camping.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

P.S. I hate chocolate fountains.

P.P.S.  My pumpkins are doing well and getting bigger, joy!