"Can't Win For Nothing"

Sauerkraut Here!

What a week! I apologize for falling off the face of the Earth but a lot has happened over the course of the past few days.

Last Thursday my boss told me I needed to dress more “professional,” I was pretty upset by her comments one, because it felt like I couldn’t do anything right around that place.  Two, I didn’t know the way I dressed was a problem based on what my co-workers wore.  And three, I’ve gained a bunch of weight, I can’t fit into any of my dress clothes and I wasn’t making enough money to go buy new ones.  Fuck my life.

Friday morning I woke up feeling awful! Sore throat, cough, mucus, the works! But, I decided to get out of bed, toss on some “professional” clothes and go to work anyway, because I'm a hard little worker bee.  My tits busted out of my shirt, my pants were so tight I couldn’t breath and my feet were in a bunch of pain, but I looked professional. So, there I was, refilling the ass wipes in the bathroom in my white dress shirt, loading the dirty dishes into the dishwasher in my skin tight pants and toting cases of water in heels, awesome.

Knowing I was having a bad week my buddy/co-worker, Sheek Geek set up a surprise for me. He'd been telling me all day that his fiancé (Ms. Tar-J) was going to drop by the office to say “hello” because she had a half-day at work.  I was excited to see her, but I was worried I'd get in trouble from my boss, so I warned him that I might have to cut my visit short.

The boys gathered in the conference room, across from my desk, for a meeting and I noticed Sheek Geek was acting really weird. He was telling the boys something, because they were all staring at me, he kept checking his phone, closed the blinds, etc. The next thing I know I see this crazy character approach the front door, open it and as soon as I recognized who it was I knew what was going on.

Good ol’ Sheek Geek had arranged for our old co-worker (who happens to do singing telegrams) to come to our office and perfomr for me in an effort to cheer me up. I spent the next few minutes participating in a few corny dance moves and being serenaded by my special visitor. Everyone was pretty cool about it, but there were a few haters, like I give a shit.

In the end, that was probably one of the sweetest things anyone has every done for me and it really touched my little Grinch of a heart. So, mad props to Sheek Geek.

On Saturday I spent the entire day at the flower shop. I had so much fun but by the end of the day I was feeling awful, my feet were tender and my lower back hurt so badly I thought I was going to cry. But! I had a bunch of fun.

Sunday was awful. I stayed home sick all day.  Moving on...

Nothing too exciting happened on Monday, just another miserable day at the office. After work I met up with Chickpea (who I hadn’t seen a week) and we headed to Park City so I could shop at the Croc Outlet Store. Mom suggested I try wearing some Crocs when working at the flower shop for eight hours a day.

Even though Chickpea isn’t a fan of Crocs she was a good sport and even picked out the most adorable “Jibbitz” for my shoes. Basically they’re little decorations for your shoes. After I got my shoes I made two more stops at the GAP Outlet and Ann Taylor in an effort to find some “professional” clothes at good prices. I found a few items, which I’ll probably return and that was the end of our night… Actually, it wasn’t.

When I got home I rushed about getting ready for bed and seconds after laying down I got the most intense pain on the left side of my body. I couldn’t determine where it was coming from and after about an hour and a half of struggling to get comfortable and breath properly, I called my mom. I tried explaining the situation, but we couldn’t figure out what it was. Eventually, I fell asleep and when I woke up the next morning (in the exact same position) I felt better, but the pain was still in my chest. I knew it was time to go to the doctor.

I wanted to go before work, but I couldn’t get a hold of my boss so I went to work and made an appointment around my lunch hour. About an hour before my appointment, I got fired. Yup, fired.

What happened? Look, I took the job because I needed a job, I had no intentions to stay there or grow with the company and after a few months of working there I quickly figured out that this was not a good fit for me, period. The work I produced was quality, but aside from that I couldn’t do anything right in their eyes. And I really didn’t like the way I was spoken to, or treated at that place.

Am I upset that I got fired from THAT job? Nope. That fucking place sucked. Here’s something funny… My boss asked me if I needed a box for my stuff, I replied, “Nope.” She asked, “You don’t have ANY personal belongings at your desk, in the fridge or in the kitchen?” “Nope.”

Does it suck to get fired? Sure. But what sucks the most is determining my next step in life. Again, I’m at a crossroad and this time the universe is sending me clear signs to get the hell out of Utah. Moving on…

When I arrived at the doctor I went through the usual routine and then the doctor ordered me to get an ultrasound and an x-ray. Lucky for me I now had all the time in the world and only 30 days to get all my health/dental care done before my insurance expired.

Thankfully, I picked a freaking one-stop clinic so both ultrasound and x-ray were just down the hall. When I got back to his office, he looked at my x-rays and sent me back to get another x-ray, the first on was blurry.

Again, I returned to his office, the doctor looked at my x-ray, called a specialist and together they decided it was the pneumonia’s. I’m not sure if my pneumonia went away and came back, or if it never left.

On top of the pneumonias there’s something going on with my thyroid. The doctor looked at my ultrasound (fine), blood work (fine), but is now requesting that I get another biopsy done, something I’ve done before (2004) that I did not like. Basically they jam a long, skinny needle into your neck and yank out a piece of tissue leaving your neck sore and bruised. So, yeah for me!

I look awful and I thought that was really funny.

After getting fired and spending hours at the health clinic I made my way to the flower shop. Despite my awful day, I was excited to be there and couldn’t wait to learn something, but the universe had other plans for me and the next thing I knew I was leaving work early because I was low on blood and having a reaction to this new medication, super.

I’ve just been hanging out at the house for the past few days, watching Animal Planet and shopping for jobs. Today it was super nice outside and I decided to open the windows for some fresh air and sunshine. My mother’s convinced I need to be at home resting so I don’t end up in the hospital, she’s probably right, but I did sneak out to see Chickpea and Vanessa at Barnes and Noble last night, eek!

So, there you have it, my week in a nutshell.

In other news, I still haven’t gotten my dog back and my mother finally called. She was pretty blunt with the woman, telling her Ty had been gone for three weeks and it was time for him to come home. Apparently what happened was that Ty didn’t have a tag on him so “the baker,” as I like to call him, didn’t take him because he wasn’t sure who he was. Supposedly the woman was very apologetic toward my mom, saying “she knew who Ty was, that she put a tag on him and she would make sure we got the correct dog.” He’s due back this coming Tuesday.  If he's not there, I'll call them and it won't be pretty.  Actually, I'll probably go down there.

Okay, lets knock the rest of this fucking blog challenge out…

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

Is this a joke? Oh! I’ve got one! “The Birthday Book.” The Birthday Book is giant book of character traits associated with individuals born on specific days of the year. Almost everyone in my family has owned this book and traded it at our annual yard sale. Finally, it became mine and I will probably never get rid of it. For the record, The Birthday Book is magical and has never been wrong. Everyone loves my fucking Birthday Book… I don’t know the real name of it.

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.

I have a really pointy nose and I'm not sure where I got it because both of my parents have really pointy noses.  I wish I could change it, but I can't because I wouldn't be me if I did. 

Day 25 - A picture of your day.

Oh! Fun one. Day 25 happened to be last Saturday so I was working at the flower shop. I made a few “fresh floral” arrangements that day and here they are…

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

This is a photo of my Ty’s collar, dirty and blue.  After he passed away, I took it off him, placed it in my pocket and when I got home I put it around my stuffed bulldogs neck, I sleep with it every night.  Each time I move I hear his tags jingle and I think he’s there with me, and then I remember, he’s gone.  

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

This is a photo of me and my little Dweedle Bug right after he was born.  Dweedle is my nephew and this phot was taken just after he was born, I think he's 11 days old here.  Now he's walking and has big-a eyeballs.

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.

Outside the Idaho Hotel... It's haunted. PDX, thanks for waking up early so I didn't have to pee alone.  I made her stand in the stall with me. 

Isn’t this a repeat? Whatever. I’m afraid of ghosts, I’m also fascinated by ghosts. Now, here’s where you start to think I’m nuts… I think I’ve always had a little kibble of “the sixth sense.” I definitely believe in ghosts, not aliens, but definitely ghosts. And in my opinion I’ve had a few ghostly experiences. However, no matter how terrified I am by ghosts I’m constantly hoping for that one encounter that proves my belief. Then, I’ll send the rest of my life being deathly afraid of them, no pun intended.

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.

This is a photo from Awkward Family Photos and every time I look at this little bear, with the funny pants I end up crying with laughter.  What the kid in this costume must be thinking, kills me.  

That is all.

Sauerkraut