Hamster Outrage!

Sauerkraut Here!

This morning I heard the following story on CNN Headline News, but I stole the print story from msnbc.com.

Sheriff: Georgia mom forced son to kill hamster

WARM SPRINGS, Ga. - A Georgia woman is in jail after being accused of forcing her son to kill his pet hamster with a hammer as punishment for bad grades.

The sheriff of rural Meriwether County told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution Thursday that the 12-year-old boy told his teacher about the killing. The teacher reported it to the Division of Family and Child Services, who contacted police.

Sheriff Steve Whitlock said 38-year-old Lynn Middlebrooks Geter of Warm Springs faces one charge each of animal cruelty, child cruelty and battery.

Who kills a hamster!?  I fucking love hamsters!  I've had three hamsters in my life: Cookie, Tupac and Snoop.

In fact, one of my favorite Christmas memories was the year I woke up and found a hamster under my Christmas tree, for some dumb reason I named him "Cookie." Anyways, one day I was doing a "trick" for my friends that involved balancing Cookie on my head. As I'm sure you've guessed by now, Cookie slid off my head and went splat on the kitchen floor. Immediately I burst into tears, scooped Cookie off the floor and began trying to get him to move again by bending his little body parts... And screaming at my mother (who was at work) on the phone. Nine days later, Cookie died. I killed him. To this day I am full of regret.

Now, if you ask my mother she'll tell you all about the funeral, but I'll give you the jest of it... My mother got me started on the tampon box coffins, she was very ill at the time, it was pouring rain outside and she taught me the quickest goodbye prayer in the world, "ashes to ashes, dust to dust, thank you *** for being with us." I still use it to this day.

Years later, after I graduated from college, I mustered up the courage to get two more hamsters, mini hamsters! I named one of them Tupac and my ex boyfriend named the other Snoop, they were our babies. But like an ass, he abandon his children when he dumped my ass for another chick. Moving on... I loved my hamsters and aside from accidentally dying Snoop "Laguna Blue," I took good care of them and they lived a really long time, but PDX killed them both... At separate times.

However, I will forgive her because she helped my bury them both. I remember stuffing them in boxes, Snoop in a tampon box and Tupac in a condom box, driving them to Clear Channel Broadcasting (I didn't know where else to put them), digging the hole with a spoon and reciting the prayer. Good times.

Anyways, I think this lady is awful and I can't imagine forcing a child (Even if I don't like them) to smash a hamster! Squeeze them a little so their eyeballs protrude a touch, yes. Smash with a hammer, no.

That is all,

Sauerkraut

P.S.  I called my mother and told her "thank you" for not forcing me to smash my hamster because of bad grades, Lord know I got a shit load of them.