Stop Hating! I'm Chubby!

Sauerkraut Here!

Can a chubby girl be pretty? I think so, but not when it comes to me. I see tons of chubby girls who I think are stunning! Their hair is fixed, they’ve got their make up done, they’re wearing clothes that are cute and flattering and they skip around the town with confidence. Why can’t I be one of those girls?

My problem is… Unless I’m skinny, I see no point to getting ready because regardless of how much effort I put in, I'm still chubby, so no one will pay me any attention.

Unfortunately I feel like I’m getting to that age when I need to start doing my hair, slapping on some make up and more importantly getting dressed.  But the truth is, I hate doing my hair!  In fact I've had one haircut in 15 months!  Make up makes my skin itch and I hate getting dressed!  I feel so confined.  When I was employed I wore jeans almost everyday and that was a blessing, but now that I’m not employed, I can’t stand wearing jeans! I’m only interested in yoga pants and sweats.

I’ve never been the girl who made heads turn when I walked in a room, unless I was wearing some over the top outfit.

I’ve never been asked to a school dance, out on a date or even told that I was beautiful… At least not by the opposite sex.  I take that back…

About a year go I was in the grocery store (Surprise!) looking for juice and pizza dough when a tiny soccer player asked me on a date. I could tell by his actions that this was part of a team initiation and I was just waiting for his teammates to bust up in laughter.

Also, when I was in college I took a trip to Seattle, I was standing at Pike’s Place Market, stuffing my face with a maple bar, when a homeless man, with no teeth, approached me (A little too close for comfort may I add) and told me I was “gor-ge-ous.” Neat-O.

Anyways, back to my point... Part of my “plan” for happiness is to gain some self-confidence, currently I have none.  While I’m all for losing a little weight (for health/confidence reasons, not to compete against my friends), I want to feel confident as a chubby girl. I want girls to think I’m cute and not compare themselves to me or try and compete with me. Examples:

- “She’s on Jenny Craig. I’m not and I’m still thinner than her.”

- “She’s on Weight Watchers and she’s still fat. Why don’t you try running everyday?”

- “She goes tanning… I’m so much better than her because I don’t tan.”

What the fuck do you care!? It’s my life, my time and my money. Why don’t you be a cheerleader for me instead of a competitor? Stop making me feel bad about my efforts to improve myself and stop making me feel like they’re not enough.  I want a friend, not a competition!  Anyways, I could really get into this topic, but it could turn out to be a huge post, so I will stop.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

P.S. Confession... I tried Weight Watchers.  Yup!  I was a member for two weeks until the group leader gave me a "happy fork..."  A plastic fork with a smiley face sticker on it.  It was supposed to remind me to eat well.  A happy fork?  Are you shiting me?