I remember nothing from Saturday, or Sunday. I take that back, on Sunday I mowed my moms lawn and drove the mower into a bush full of tiny, fruit fly looking bugs. When I got out of the bush I was caked in bugs and later I discovered that many of them died in the sweaty creases of my tank top.
Monday I had a nice break down. To begin, I was running on three hours of sleep, this is dangerous. One of two things happens when I’m lacking sleep, an emotional break down or a fit of rage. So, on Monday morning I was scheduled to see the doctor, I HATE going to the doctor. Regardless of why I’m there I get really nervous, butterflies in my stomach, dizziness, you name it.
In fact, one time I was at the cahootie doctor and I came so close to passing out the doctor had to stop the exam and wait for me to finish a juice box before we could finish; I’ve also been known to cry.
After paying $15 to see the doctor I was waiting in the room when the doctor came in and told me that although I had my records from Salt Lake transferred to the local clinic (which was a huge pain in the ass by the way), they didn’t have the information they needed and I would need to come back, super. When I went to checkout the receptionist informed me that she entered my income wrong and that I make too much… On fucking unemployment! So, I would need to pay more to see the doctor the next time and that although I had NOTHING done at my appointment I would be charged an additional fee of $60-$120. When I went to pick up my prescription (that I ran out of a week ago and was told could not be refilled until I saw the doctor) I was expecting to pay $4, because that’s what I pay for my other prescriptions. Instead I had to pay $75.39! For a months worth! That’s a ton of money for someone who doesn’t have a job.
So, I shut down, went into panic mode and spent the next two hours in the parking lot crying to my mother over the phone about how I’m a loser and a failure in life because I don’t make good money. I had to repeat everything later that evening because she couldn’t understand what the hell I was saying the first time. So, that was super fun and not embarrassing at all.
Monday night I was talking to my brother and he told me that my nephew, Izzy, saw a black bug driving down the road and he thought it was me. How adorable is it that he’s starting to recognize these things? And more importantly that he knows who his auntie is and that she drives a black bug. SO precious. That comment made my day! In fact, I’ve told everyone I know.
Last night I went to my moms “girl dinner” at the Texas Roadhouse. If you don’t know, girl dinner is a group of friends who meet up once a month for dinner to stay in touch. Anyways, I tagged along just to get out of the house and enjoy some company. It was fun, but I got sick. I always get sick after eating at Texas Roadhouse… And the Olive Garden. When I told my grandmother I was sick and that I felt like I was peeing out of my butt hole, she got really mad. Oh well, moving on…
Today my buddy from Salt Lake, Chickpea, was in town for a funeral and I was supposed to meet up with her, but I slept too late. By the time I woke up she was leaving town; I’m so pissed at myself because I really wanted to see her.
Also, today I was reading PDX’s Facebook comments and I guess she had a bad Tuesday. After receiving a plethora of angry phone calls at work and a rejection letter from a literary agency she went for a swim. During her swim the fire alarm went off and she got kicked out of the pool. She was standing outside in nothing but her swimsuit and a “blanket” that resembled a piece of tinfoil when a group of guys walked by and one of them said, "Hey, hot potato." I don’t know why, but I find this story so funny. Maybe it’s because I can picture her standing there, her body language, her facial expersions, everything. Or maybe it’s because the comment could not have been more perfect. Regardless I wish I was there and I will never let her live this one down.
Tomorrow I am headed to Boise, Idaho to spend time with my nephews, I can’t wait to see them! On Friday I get to babysit them while they’re parents are working, I’m so excited. I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with activites to keep them entertained. The challenge is I have a two-year-old and a 3 month old.
So, I can’t take them swimming because Izzy will run wild and jump into water that is too deep for him when I’m looking after Dweedle. I can’t take them to the park because Izzy will climb up on a toy and fall off when I’m watching Dweedle. Plus, I don’t want Dweddle to just sit there while Izzy has all the fun, so I’m thinking we will just hang out at the house and maybe play in the yard.
As long as Izzy has Dora the Explorer, Ratatouille, fruit snacks and someone to clap when he goes poo in the potty, he’ll be happy. And Dweedle, well I imagine he’ll have fun looking around and bouncing in this bouncy toy. So, that’s the plan.
Finally, I bought tickets to The Haunted History Tour here in town. We’re going in October and I can’t wait! I know it’s going to be awful and stupid, but I still can’t wait, I love that crap. Anyways, I have to go teach swim lessons, so yeah.
That is all.
Sauerkraut
I wish I had something better to say than "I'm sorry" about the trip to the doctor's office being so horrid and your breakdown. I guess I could say I can relate, since I spent, oh, most of the past three years doing the same thing (I think I spent at least two nights a week for the first few months here crying in the shower) but none of that really seems to help. I guess all I can say is that I don't think you're a failure. I think you've hit a rough patch, and feel like a failure, but you're really not, dearie. Everybody struggles. The trick is that you are a driven, smart person, and don't want to waste away your life being mediocre. Really, you're doing the hard thing--to figure out your life and a way to make it meaningful. Most people don't bother with this. They get scared, and comfortable, and just stagnate. I'm proud of you for not just stopping. You keep trying (and trying and trying!!) and even though things aren't working out yet, you're still fighting the good fight. I love you, my buddy, (even if you will call me "hot potato" for the rest of my life) and I think you're doing good things. :) You're gonna make it!
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