False Alarm

Sauerkraut Here!

A few nights ago, I can't remember exactly when, my brother’s girlfriend and I did a few laps around the property of their apartment complex. Shortly after, she started having contractions and after timing the contractions for an hour my brother and his girlfriend headed to the hospital. I’ll admit I was so excited and I was really, really hoping she was in labor. My poor nephew knew something was up, so he didn’t fall asleep until around 12:30AM. I on the other hand, couldn't get a wink of sleep because my mind was racing with excitement. A few hours later, around 4AM, I got a text informing me that it was a false alarm. I guess after several contradicting explanations to her pregnancy symptoms, they said it was dehydration and sent her home.

Then we went and looked at a wedding venue (for my brother and his girl) and to my surprise it was super cute. Then we went to a bridal store to look at wedding dresses, my nephew decided it was a great time to shit his pants. It’s very comforting to hear a toddler exclaim, “I pooped!” in a store full of angelic, white wedding dresses.

The wedding venue we looked at.

Izzy, showing me a rock... He pronounces it, "fuck." 

After shopping for wedding dresses I wanted to take my nephew to Krispy Kreme for a free doughnut, turns out “free doughnut day,” is tomorrow, not today. But isn’t everyday “free doughnut day” at Krispy Kreme? Anyways, my nephew had so much fun watching the doughnuts being made, but refused to wear the Krispy Kreme hat. After I ate a mere four doughnuts and my nephew tried to make out with a little girl, who was clearly not having any of that, we left.

Look at the beautiful artwork Izzy created for me on my car window... 

With a strawberry shortcake roll.

Half way through the parking lot I heard a loud bang! I thought it was my trunk popping open. Just as I turned to look at my brother’s girlfriend I heard another loud bang and out of the corner of my eye I saw my nephews sippy cup flying off the roof of the car onto the asphalt. I made sure to grab the doughnuts off the roof of the car, but clearly my poor nephews sippy cup was of no concern. By the way, I’m a size 4, just saying.

He doesn't like to wear clothes...

This day he was wearing nothing but a life vest.

And this day, he just wanted to wear his boots.  Super.

I can't wait to show these to his prom date.

Some other crap that happened today:

- While searching for the exit at a Meineke, I nearly got in three minor car accidents.

- After our outing we arrived home to discover that once again my nephew had decorated himself in pen. I gave him a bath… And he peed in the tub.

- Shortly after my nephews bath he went to use the potty and instead off using his toilet, he used the toy boat sitting next to it. It wouldn’t have been too big of a deal except that there is no bottom to the boat. I really couldn’t discipline him because how could you not find that funny? Especially when he’s clapping because he thinks he just did a really good thing.

- After sucking the beans off his tortilla chips my nephew put them in his hair.

- He chucked a lime across the table at a restaurant.

- After tasting a bite of sour cream, he spit it out onto his shirt.

Okay, this post is about to get longer (happy, happy, joy, joy), I wrote the above post days ago and now I need to give you another brief update, so here goes…

My brother’s girlfriend tried everything to get my nephew out of her stomach. She tried: eating at The Texas Roadhouse Grill (where she ate the night before Izzy was born), eating Mexican food, fresh pineapple, eggplant parmesan, walking, taking a warm bath, a hot shower and resting… Nothing worked, but we didn’t try the castor oil… And I don’t blame her… At all.

If you remember, from my previous post, the doctor told her that if my nephew (Dweedle) didn’t arrive before June 8th, he would induce her. Here’s the thing, my two lame jobs started on Monday. In other words, I had to leave Boise before the birth of my nephew.

I don’t really want to talk about it, but I was heartbroken. It’s no ones fault, but I would have loved to have been there. Why? Because I couldn’t be there for Izzy’s birth and I wanted to be one of the first to see him and hold him. And when he’s my age, I wanted to tell him all the small details about the day that nobody else remembered. Most important, I wanted him to know, right from the jump, how much I love him. Moving on…

So, I started teaching swim lessons. I teach two hours in the morning and an hour and a half in the evenings. Its only day two and I’m already exhausted. For the most part my kids are good, but I do have one boy that drives me up the wall.

Yesterday I asked him to do something and he gave me attitude, “I already know how to do that.” So I asked him to show me, to which he replied, “I can’t do that.” So… Don’t fucking give me attitude and tell me you can! Now, shut the fuck up and do what I tell you to do!

Anyways, he’s in one of my evening classes and I am not looking forward to seeing him again tonight, little shit!

Finally, it is time to plant my pumpkins outside, look how big they’ve gotten.

That is all.

Sauerkraut

P.S.  I'm sure I forgot a shit ton of crap, but whatever, no one reads this fucking blog, so whatever.  Rawr.